- Genius: [From opening credits for Series 1] I'm Herman's intellect. Without me he couldn't hold his job, pay his rent or tie his shoes.
- Angel: I'm Herman's sensitivity. Without me he wouldn't feel tenderness, honesty or love - the good things in life.
- Wimp: Oh! I'm Herman's anxiety and I keep him out of trouble - and believe me, there's trouble *everywhere*!
- Animal: I'm Herman's lust. Without me he'd miss out on all the good stuff. Y'know, fun, food - babes!
- Jay Nichols: Oh, boy. Whenever I meet a girl's father, it's always the same story. First, he offers me money not to see her.
- Herman Brooks: Yeah? Then what happens?
- Jay Nichols: I take the money.
- Jay Nichols: Can you believe this party? Never seen so many things I wanna put in my mouth at one time.
- Herman Brooks: Rebecca Woods. She was the most beautiful freshman on campus.
- Jay Nichols: Did ya bag her?
- Herman Brooks: Jay, I don't "bag" women.
- Jay Nichols: I'm sorry. Did ya nail her?
- Genius (Intellect): [From opening credits seasons 2 and 3] This city is exciting...
- Wimp (Anxiety): ...dangerous...
- Angel (Sensitivity): ...troubled...
- Animal (Lust): That woman's not wearing underwear!
- Angel (Sensitivity): Is that all you can think about? Food and sex?
- Animal (Lust): Yes.
- Genius (Intellect): Please, focus!
- Wimp (Anxiety): Look out!
- Animal (Lust): Hey, it's Jay!
- Genius (Intellect): No time for small talk, we're late.
- Wimp (Anxiety): Heddy, hold the elevator!
- [She waves but doesn't hold it for him]
- Genius (Intellect): Heddy!
- Angel (Sensitivity): [Louise holds elevator for Herman] I think Louise is so sweet.
- Animal (Lust): I think this woman IS wearing underwear.
- Wimp (Anxiety): I think there's too many people in this elevator!
- Genius (Intellect): And I think you are all idiots! Let's go to work!
- Jay Nichols: Hey, as long as there are illegal aliens who want citizenship, Jay Nichols will have a date.