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Nancy: You're praying to a God you've never even seen before!
Father Luke Brophy: I don't need to see him, for the Bible says that God created man in his own image.
Nancy: Oh, yeah? Then how do you explain Pee Wee Herman?

Frieda: What does the name "Aglet" mean, anyway?
Braydon: Well, a long time ago, "Aglet" meant "He who puts those tiny little plastic things on shoelaces." You see, a long time ago, a man's name was his profession.
Frieda: Oh, so a man named Fred Carpenter would build houses and John Baker would make bread.
Braydon: Exactly.
Ned: So what did John Hancock do?

Father Luke Brophy: She has an ungodly voice, maniacal facial expressions...
Father Jebedaiah Mayii: That doesn't prove a thing. She could be related to Joe Cocker.
Father Luke Brophy: No.
Father Jebedaiah Mayii: Could it be she had PMS?

Nancy: [possessed] The last collar jockey who messed with me ended up with a dislocated shoulder.
Father Luke Brophy: You don't scare me.
Nancy: Oh, yeah? They found it in Baltimore.

Jesse Ventura: Satan, you've got them on the run. What move are you gonna use next?
Nancy: [possessed] Next, I'm gonna grab a wrestler by his neck, suck out his eyeballs, and then spit'em down his throat!
Jesse Ventura: I think she's talking to you, Mean Gene.

Nancy: [Satan, speaking through Nancy] I am far more powerful than you can ever imagine!
Father Luke Brophy: Maybe, however you are but one being. I represent the belief of far more people. Did you know that the Christian religion has over a billion followers?
Nancy: Big deal! So does the "Wheel of Fortune"!

Jebedaiah Mayii: I said they were good kids. At this point they hadn't taken acting lessons.

Braydon: What's going on, Father? I just had to tie my wife down to the bed. I've never done anything like that before. Well, except for that one time when the kids were at camp.

Nancy: SILENCE! One more word out of you little sacks of shit, and there'll be no more TV for you tonight!

[fighting with Father Mayii in bed]
Nancy: Don't take a look at this picture of your mother in bed with Manuel Noriega!

Jebedaiah Mayii: Luke, do not believe what you are seeing. It is merely an illusion.
Nancy: You sound like George Bush on the deficit!

Nancy: [while possessed] Hello, I'm Barbara Walters and this is "20/20." Ha-ha! I've always wanted to do that!

Nancy: Excuse me, doctor?
TV Doctor: Oh, I'm not a doctor but I do play one on TV. That's why I recommend...

Nancy: [while possessed] You may think you've won, Brophy, but I know another way to reach all those people!
Father Luke Brophy: Satan, wait! Where do you think you're going?
Nancy: I'm going to Disneyland!

Father Jebedaiah Mayii: Luke, remember, when you fall on your face, you're still moving forward.

Father Luke Brophy: You fiend!
Jebedaiah Mayii: Why am I a fiend?
Father Luke Brophy: Oh, I was talking to her.
Jebedaiah Mayii: But you were looking at me.
Father Luke Brophy: Well, you know...
Jebedaiah Mayii: I had nothing to do with the water, Luke! It came from up there, it came from over there, it came from...

Nancy: See, I know all about you and why you really joined the church. Oh, sure they have a terrific dental plan, but that wasn't why.
Father Luke Brophy: Be quiet.
Jebedaiah Mayii: Ignore that beast, Luke.
Nancy: You joined the church because you had no talent, no skills, were totally untrainable, and your SAT score was under 400.
Father Luke Brophy: Shut up!
Jebedaiah Mayii: Don't listen.
Nancy: So you had two choices: either working in the church or the US Senate.

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