The Diamond Killing

A mostly generic B-action movie with a generic script and generic characters, but worth seeing if you're interested in the opportunity of seeing famous ex-"adult" star Traci Lords in an action role. She fits pretty well into the genre, largely because of her constantly frowning expression: when she threatens someone, she looks like she means business. And let's face it, she is gorgeous. Action choreographer Art Camacho doesn't try to pass her off as a great martial artist: her fighting is not overly fancy or impressive, just straightforward brawling intended to take down the opponent as quickly as possible. Nobody in the supporting cast is particularly charismatic, and the bad guys are fairly inept. Still, "Ice" is a passable, painless programmer. ** out of 4.

This has to be one of the worst movies I´ve seen for months or years even.

The plot is familiar but the performance of the cast, the dialogue and the action scenes are all terrible. Sometimes you´ll get the feeling that the director (Brook Yeaton) has not read the script. On one scene Lords is seen buying some automatic weapons for the final showdown, after having gone through some fuss to raise funds for them. But the guns are never seen again because she has a Baretta which she can kill about 20 guys armed with machine guns and grenades.

This endurance goes on and on with lame and badly acted dialouge. It´s not even laughable because it looks as if the makers thought they were creating a masterpiece. Do not put yourself through watching this unless you are ready yo put your sanity to risk.

I always enjoy laughing at the work of former porn stars trying to be "legitimate" actresses. Traci has, happily, given that up and now concentrates on being a hack. But this little gem is truly amusing in it's awfulness. Traci's facial expression throughout this film is indecipherable and unchanging and absolutely lifeless. Perhaps she thought the title referred to her emotional range. But the plot is where the real fun is. What character development! Classic gunfighting scenes with patented Nev-R-Empty magazines! The bad guys couldn't hit the Titanic. The good guys (who've never fired a guy before)can hit a two-inch target on a moving car. My favorite scene involves Traci acquiring an arsenal to pursue her vengeance. The weapons so lovingly spotlighted never appear again in the film. And, of course, the pivotal plot point depends on the concept that pretty much anybody knows how to fly a helicopter. And, since Traci was being a "legitimate" actress, there's not even a hint of skin to brighten the picture. Good lord, this is awful. MST3K needs to add this to its list.

There are a couple of scathing comments for this movie and they are right on track.

However, their descriptions of the poor quality of this movie ignore one significant detail: most fans of Traci Lords might find this entertaining. There is a lot of Traci. Yes, mostly in gun battles, not the way we want to see her. But there is a lot of her, a short shower scene, and her face is mesmerizingly attractive.

This movie was directed by Traci Lords' husband and nephew on John Waters, Brook Yeaton. The movie is pretty bad but it's light entertainment for those who like a bit of Traci and things blowing up. Pretty non-descript performance from Traci. I wouldn't go out of my way to see it again but it's fun if only to laugh at the mistakes the director made. Where did those guns go.....