Delos - Das größte Abenteuer ihres Lebens

To say this movie is bad, is to insult all other bad movies. Incomprehensible plot, sparse action (as in, when the hell is something going to happen?) cheezy production quality, hackneyd dialogue, incessant shots of the water and the islands (WE PAID TO FILM THIS ON THE WATER AND DAMN IT WE'RE GETTING OUR MONEY'S WORTH)... and to top it off, a soundtrack that sounds like music from a 70's porn film played on a Casio digital watch.

It's barely possible to have a good time making fun of this movie. But it's tough.

This movie does have one redeeming feature -- it does, eventually, end.

Is your idea of adventure going to an island and talking a lot? The makers of Delos Adventure thought so!

The first 44 minutes involve people talking, then shots of the admittedly beautiful island, rinse, repeat. Then a dude in a ski mask shoots a rocket launcher into a tent.

He chases the nerd adventurers around a bit before they hide in a cave and, you guessed it, talk some more.

Kurtwood Smith shows up in a science lab and can't remember a computer password, I guess he needed a vacation after shooting Robocop.

I'm assuming there was more action in the script but budget cut things down from an army of Russians to just our ski masked fiend. In the end we get a overlong talky set on a beautiful locale. There's also a bit of nudity.

My review was written in July 1987 after watching the film on Trans World Entertainment video cassette.

"The Delos Adventure", filmed in 1985 and debuting domestically on video cassette, has a storyline that promisingly seems torn from today's headlines: a covert operation by the U. S. military in South America using a scientific project to front for surveillance of Russian submarines. Unfortunately, this relatively low-key film resembles the rather lightweight action films of the 1950s rather than a hard-hitting thriller.

Roger Kern, who also had a hand in scripting and casting of the feature, tolines as Bar, an earth scientist into prospecting, who is hired by old pal and fellow scientist (Charles Lanyer) to work on a project for Stafford Research. Project involves accompanying beautiful blonde environmentalist Deni (Jenny Neumann) to the tiny island of San Crispin off the coast of Chile to install seismic sensors underwater that will broadcast back (viqa satellite link on the island) to California on earthquakes, etc. Deni is there to do a survey for her ailing father on environmental concerns.

It turns out that all this actually is a front for a secret Cold War operation run by the U. S. military, which has bribed Stafford Research scientists McNeil (Kurtwood Smith) into running the show in return for appropriation of government funding. Scheme is to neutralize Soviet subs off the Chilean coast by installing secret sensors, but the fly in the ointment is the presence of Soviet commandos on the island, who proceed to kill several of the scientists and hunt down the rest.

Pic is too slowly paced (action doesn't really get going until the second half) to be exciting, preferring to emphasize a scenic approach to showcasing some lovely locations and beautiful leading lady Neumann. It should have been a nail-biting, brink of disaster, eyeball to eyeball tale of superpowers' confrontation.

Acting is competent, with star Kern okay as a Kurt Russell-ish type of reluctant hero while Kurtwood Smith, currently on screen as heavy in "Robocop", turns out quite surprisingly to be a straight shooter when the chips are down. An abrupt and too convenient ending comes as a letdown.

Tech credits are fine.