Zombie Nightmare

Never before have so few words so fittingly summed up a film as the VideoHound Movie Guide's entry on ZOMBIE NIGHTMARE. "Cheap and stupid" were the key words in its evaluation of this (extremely) low-budget, Canadian-made horror flick. But what our friends at VideoHound forgot to mention is that ZOMBIE NIGHTMARE is also occasionally (and unintentionally) hilarious in the tradition of awful movies from yesteryear.

Jon Mikl Thor plays a muscle-bound lunkhead who heads to the corner store for Momma one fateful night. After heroically fending off two would-be robbers, our good ol' boy is fatally struck by a car full of bad ass punks who speed away from the scene. Rather than call an ambulance, the store owner does what any of us would, loading the corpse into a car and dropping it off to Lunkhead's fretful mom. Having already lost her husband to punkery, Momma calls in the friendly neighborhood voodoo practitioner to turn her son into a modern day Lazarus. Soon the goon is up and around once more, only he's not nearly as friendly as he now screams a lot and clobbers the hit-and-runners with a baseball bat.

ZOMBIE NIGHTMARE is like PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE in that everyone will have their own favorite example of its ineptitude. For this reviewer, the hands down winner is Shawn Levy, who is inadvertently uproarious as Jim the head punk. It's positively priceless to see Jim, he of blow-dried '80s hair and preppy clothes, recant how he actually enjoyed striking Lunkhead. "Christ," he says in what was intended as a creepily dramatic moment, "it was so easy." And who could forget the moment when Jim, in a fit of uncontrollable rage, hurls a handful of cold spaghetti at his nagging mom? You just know this dude and his cohorts would last about 10 minutes in a real high school.

Of course there are other highlights (lowlights?). There's never been a less frightening zombie than Thor. I'm sorry, but big muscles, long hair and short sweat pants exude stupidity, not fury. The zombie's appearance becomes increasingly ridiculous as the film progresses, going from Lunkhead to some Munster-looking dude with short black hair. ZOMBIE NIGHTMARE also attempts some humor, most notably with Jim's frequent non-success with the ladies. But it's all so lame you end up laughing AT the movie, not WITH it. Then there's the Adam West factor. You just know that any film that has to misleadingly give top billing to the former BATMAN star is doomed. That said, there is a certain perverse pleasure in seeing a man we all know and love from childhood being dragged into the cruel depths of hell by a born-again corpse.

It's quite stunning that that something like ZOMBIE NIGHTMARE was able to clear all the hurdles involved in seeing a a film come to fruition. It's amazing someone thought of it. It's more amazing that someone had enough faith in those involved to fund it. Our amazement continues to escalate when we think that real people -- presumably those interested in careers in the motion picture industry -- would allow their names to be attached to it and that a company, no matter how desperate, would release it on video. No wonder they say truth is stranger than fiction.

MST covered this one and did a good job with it.(The quote is from the first zombie attack.) And as I recall, Adam West even introduced their cover of it for its first broadcast during a "Turkey Day" Thanksgiving marathon. (Good for you, Adam! You look good!)

Hey, Frank Dietz, it was fun to see your comment about the movie; glad you have a good sense of perspective about it, and I hope you are doing well. ZN was completely cheesy, but it wasn't your fault...you were just in over your head!

Adam West has taken a lot of crap over the decades for his somewhat hammy style and fruity baritone, but he's still the real deal as an actor. Put him in a 3rd rate film like this one, and he instantly blows everyone else in the film away without trying. This movie was lucky to have him.

The film also gets an extra star for starting out with "Ace Of Spades" as the opening song on the soundtrack and a nice little thumbprint graphic for the opening title. It was a great choice and started the movie with a nice burst of energy.

But after that, things go downhill pretty fast. There are lots of missteps here: pacing, plot holes, characterization and consistency of tone. For instance, the movie stops dead in its tracks at one points and spends 2-3 minutes watching a mediocre tennis match between the tall, lanky mall punk and his blond girlfriend. It spends an inordinate amount of time driving to the local 'Twist and Creme' ice cream store. When the hero/zombie-to-be gets run over by the mall punks at the beginning of the movie, his mother doesn't call a doctor, call an ambulance, or start CPR, she calls her local voodoo practitioner "Molly Mokembe" so she can go about getting revenge for her son's death.

(This brings all kinds of questions to mind, BTW. The movie seems to find it unremarkable that there is a high priestess of voodoo just down the street in an average Canadian urban neighborhood. Geez, not ONE of the black people I grew up with turned out to be voodoo masters, not even the ones whose life my father saved! I never knew Canada was so wild at heart!)

Oh, and if YOU were attacked by a zombie, and you knocked him down with a shotgun and then you got in your car to flee, wouldn't you a)shoot the zombie in the head and knees a couple of just to slow him down a bit more and b) CLOSE THE CAR DOOR while you cranked the ignition??? I'm just asking...

But the biggest weakness, IMO, is in the part and performance of the mall punk's 'psycho' member. Ooooo, he has an ATTITUDE! OOooo, he throws pasta at his mom! Ooooo, he harasses a waitress with juvenile remarks about the size of his 'member'! Ooooo, he...well, he goes for a drive! (See 'Twist and Creme' reference above.)

He's about 105 lbs, soaking wet, with pencil thin arms and elaborately blow-dried-and-feathered shoulder length hair, but we are supposed to accept that he's some kind of menacing James Dean stand-in. And he is, in fact, almost infinitely annoying. But he (the character that is) wouldn't last 10 minutes at my old junior high school (it was on the 'wrong side of the tracks' in a town of 60,000 people.)

The rest of the cast is OK. The other four mall punks are natural and at ease in front of the camera. Frank Dietz manages to hold his own in his scenes with Adam West. A couple of the murders are fairly gruesome. And the blond cutie looks sexy as she 'briskly jogs' away from the zombie in her towel. Some of the other songs on the soundtrack are pretty good, especially the one by Girlschool. Even Jon Mikl Thor is, well, not as bad as he could be, although it's pretty obvious that the project began to overwhelm him and he was forced to get another actor to play the zombie for some scenes. Don't quit your day job, JMT.

An amusing mess. Watch with one dose of alcohol clutched firmly in your mitt and several more readily at hand and you'll have no problem with 'Nightmare'.

The acting was woeful, the continuity non-existent and the whole budget must have been less than 100 bucks, but I sure did laugh. Although, probably not for reasons the film-makers intended.

If you love bad movies and inept film-making, this is for you. The added bonus is Adam West, who deserved better but is always a welcome sight.

Worth a watch if you don't want to be challenged in any way and need a good chuckle.

After witnessing the murder of his father, young Tony Washington grows up into the hulking, musclebound version of himself (Jon Mikl Thor). Meanwhile, a gang of brainless punks are causing trouble. Tony, busily ridding the streets of crime, encounters said ne'er do wells, resulting in his untimely demise.

Thankfully, Tony's mum knows the local voodoo priestess, who dresses up like an eeevil clown and whips up some mumbo jumbo tout de suite! Let the ungodly ineptitude that is ZOMBIE NIGHTMARE begin! Rising from his grave with hard-boiled eggs for eyes, Tony sets out for ultimate vengeance.

A masterwork of hyper-schlock cinema, this movie excels in every category! There are non-actors, acting as though they've just been handed their scripts for the first time. This gives the dialogue that fresh, robotic sound. Lines are delivered in a quasi-human fashion, making us believe that animated mannequins have somehow learned to speak.

The plot proves that scripts can be written "on the fly", during filming, without editing! This forces the various characters to wander about, oblivious to whatever is taking place. The crooks, the cops, the squawking medical examiner, the whole cast!

However, no one outshines Thor as the Frankenstein-in-sweat-clothes hero, who's hair length changes in every scene! A true stroke of genius!

EXTRA POINTS FOR: Adam West as Capt. Tom Churchman. He's rough! He smokes cigars! He's Batman with a mustache!

EXTRA-EXTRA POINTS FOR: The music! Any movie that opens with Ace Of Spades by Motorhead... um, at least has that going for it!...

Ever get together with your pals and watch horrible movies while you suck down donuts and cheap beer? Well then this one is for you! Actually this movie really sucks. However there are some inspired moments of suckiness. Such as when the heavy metal oaf with the heart of gold is about to get struck by a car of "mall punks." He stands in the road looking at them and yelling in slow motion until they mow him down! Pretty amusing. The leader of the mall punks is the best part though. Definitely one of the best cheesiest cool badass leaders ever put in a crappy film. There is one hilarious scene in particular where he is arguing with his Mom. So what does this badass gang leader do? He throws a strainer full of wet noodles at his Mom! Watch and laugh. Make sure to get plenty of beer and donuts for this one!