- Logan: Those idiot actors. They missed the plane! And the airline refused to permit Scotty's fiancée to bring her pussy on board.
- Morgan: That is sick! The women in this script are just tits and ass with nothing but sex on their minds. I mean, is that really what you want?
- Scotty Palmer: Look, I think you're confusing me with the character I play in the film. I'm not a dumb surfer kid who walked off the beach with a surf board and a hard on.
- Ms. Rollins: This must be your private tutor.
- Rags: That's me! Professor D. W. Raggs, PhD, MBA, BBF, BBT, LSD and ABC.
- Scotty Palmer: So, Cleo, how would you like to be in a movie?
- Cleo: How does it end?
- Scotty Palmer: Very happily.
- Cleo: I mean, do I end up taking off my clothes and jumping into bed with you?
- Scotty Palmer: That's right. How'd you know?
- Cleo: I've been in that movie. It doesn't end happily.
- Scotty Palmer: Morgan, you don't know what it's like on the set. All day, surrounded by these beautiful girls with beautiful bodies. Come on, reach and touch someone. Me!
- Morgan: Oh, I got ya. So, while you lie back and daydream about all those great looking bodies, Morgie, here, does all the dirty work.
- Cleo: I've never done anything like this before.
- Scotty Palmer: I have. In my dreams and, believe me, it's worth it.
- Sean Kingsley: Just because you couldn't get in her pants doesn't mean that I won't.
- Scotty Palmer: Cleo's not that stupid.
- Sean Kingsley: Yeah? Just leave your window open tomorrow night. You'll hear us.
- Scotty Palmer: I'll hear her slap your ugly face.
- Sean Kingsley: Yeah, with the inside of her thighs!
- Scotty Palmer: Are you ready for this?
- Cleo: Hardly. I've never taken off my clothes in public before; much less, in front of a camera.
- Logan: Okay, everybody, that's it. We got a half an hour for the kiss-kiss, push-push scene. Then on to the airport and the great silver bird.