- Michael Gold: [after falling through a roof onto a couple's dinner table] I just dropped in to say... bon appetite!
- Alissa: [sarcastically, referring to Michael] Oh, such a gentleman.
- Michael Gold: [under his breath] Oh, such a bitch!
- Michael Gold: I never put price tags on women. It's much more fun taking them off.
- Alissa: Some things come off very easily.
- Michael Gold: Such as?
- Alissa: Such as... your head if you don't stick to business.
- Alissa: I'm Alissa Braun. How do you think I am? I'm hot, I'm tired, I'm hungry and I'm thirsty and I'm walking around in these high heels all day and I have blisters on my feet! And quit asking me such stupid questions, all right? And let me tell you something else, buster, you're not my idea of a dream date! You asshole!
- Michael Gold: That's Mr. Asshole to you.
- Michael Gold: My name is Michael Gold, I represent a group of concerned citizens in the United States. Sir...
- Prof. Braun: Oh...
- Michael Gold: You are fond of birds.