The Carpenter

Yeah, yeah, I know. Buying "The Carpenter" was all my fault, and I shouldn't have harbored the expectations that I did. I accept that. I'm not trying to blame anyone else for my misguided foul-ups. I do reserve the right, however, to curse the studio and all it represents for the various cinematic disappointments that are simply inexcusable.

The movie seemed interesting enough to me. A mysterious carpenter continues to appear in the, quote, "delirious dead of night," gruesomely eliminating any man or woman that causes the house owner grief. Yeah, yeah, great stuff.

The movie delivered, but only on certain levels. Yes, the carpenter showed up. And yes, the night always seemed slightly delirious. And you know what? There were even a number of original, if uninspired, death scenes. Great, great stuff.

Upon closer inspection, however, several glaring mistakes made themselves all too real.

Firstly, what's the deal with Wings Hauser? You've got one of the greatest character actors ever to grace the screen, and you waste his talent in such a visually lusterless role? Yeah yeah, I know. Wings Hauser sucks. Character actor? He's hardly an actor. The point I'm trying to make is that he needed to be dressed like a ghoul to make this flick a little more aesthetically appealing.

Secondly, and perhaps decisively, there's no nudity. I'm sorry, what? That's right, no nudity. There are two or three women in the film, but none strip down like they're supposed to. Several times we're offered some sort of teaser, but they never amount to anything. The very element that could have made this film is completely ignored, and "Carpenter" suffers for it.

Because of these simple mistakes, "The Carpenter" dawdles more in the twisted-romantic-drama genre and less in ceaseless, mind-numbing, bad horror like it was meant to. Sad. Very sad.

Ah well. Rent it anyway. It seems that if I can get other people to watch this crap, my life seems less desperate and lonely.

From producer Jack Bravman, a man who worked on such films as "Snuff" and "Zombie Nightmare", comes this goofy but fun horror movie, pretty much the working definition of the word offbeat.

Written by Doug Taylor and directed by David Wellington, "The Carpenter" tells the story of poor Alice (Lynne Adams), a woman with an uncaring and unfaithful husband, Martin (Pierre Lenoir). Alice has had a nervous breakdown, and after getting out of the hospital, she moves with the hubby into a country estate being renovated. She finds that every night after every other worker has gone home, a mysterious carpenter (Wings Hauser) continues to toil away, because after all, a job's not done until it's done. Words to live by. Anyway, she finds herself enticed by this guy, to the point where she looks forward to seeing him all the time.

"The Carpenter" is an amusing Canuck horror flick that this viewer wouldn't really consider a slasher, and would concede may not have enough action, gore, or kills for some tastes. And, truthfully, it's a little disappointing that there isn't more gore when The Carpenter is busy eliminating any unpleasant person on the premises using his assorted implements (nail gun, power drill, etc.). But, in the end, what I like about this is how crazy it is, even as it tries to employ a psychological approach. What is The Carpenter to Alice - an angel or a devil?

Some moments in this movie are so silly, and so hilarious, it's hard to believe Bravman and company didn't have their tongues in their cheeks, at least to some degree, and it's just too entertaining to see Hauser and Adams indulge in some fairly serious conversations, as Wings waxes poetic on the nature of masculinity and the problem that arises when men get too far removed from good, honest, hard physical labor. Men have to take PRIDE in what they do, damn it!

Wings fans can note that he's in fine form, as he plays this nutty character who can be stern, sadistic, creepy, likeable, and charming all at the same time, as he imparts upon others his own sense of morality. Adams, Lenoir and the other actors are just okay at best; they certainly pale in comparison to the dynamic star of this thing. Ron Lea, however, is a hoot as the jovial local sheriff who provides exposition in a manner that's anything but boring.

Filmed on various Quebec locations, "The Carpenter" may eventually end up with a rather conventional finish, but until then it's pretty engaging - and, I dare say, under-rated - stuff.

Seven out of 10.

The Carpenter would not appear to be a very well liked film, and it's really not difficult to see why. It seems that certain occupations lend themselves to horror; while dentistry, for example, has obvious horror themes that can spring from it, all carpentry has is the idea of someone murdering people with his tools, this idea has been used many times before and generally isn't all that interesting anyway. The fact that the plot here focuses on a dead carpenter who has come back for revenge doesn't really help since that idea is also massively overused. The plot is also rather boring in the way it plays out. However, I do have to say, in spite of all that I've already said, that The Carpenter isn't a film without any merits at all. Wings Hauser is good in the title role, and the scenes that see him taking some revenge on various people that he doesn't like are generally quite well done. The way he yacks on about 'the working man' etc can be a little dreary, but the delivery is good and Hauser makes for an effective villain. Overall, however, I have to say that The Carpenter is not a great film and there's not enough about it for me to recommend it.

This movie is a classic horror movie in Norway. It's intensely scary yet sensitive. With the ever so talented Wing Hauser as the crazed carpenter, though it's special effects are rather outdated. But it's complex plot and intensely scary music more than makes up for it.

They just don't make them like this anymore. An instant classic.

10 out of 10. BRAVO

Wouldn't it be so much cooler if John Carpenter had directed this movie? Then the box of the VHS could loudly announce "John Carpenter's … The Carpenter"! And also, it probably would have been a much better film if John directed it… "The Carpenter" is a rather weak and laughable 80's slasher movie that desperately tries to add in some deeper psychological themes, but fails. It centers on a beautiful, thirty-something housewife that just got released from a period in a mental institution because she cut up her husband's business suits for no apparent reason. They move into a new countryside house that still needs a lot of renovation and Alice stays indoors whilst her husband cheats on her with a hot blond chick. Meanwhile Alice falls in love with the reincarnation of carpenter Ed (portrayed by 80's stud Wings Hauser). Ed is an old-fashioned workaholic who died in the electric chair 40 years earlier after he went a little berserk and killed some people that didn't allow him to finish his work. Together, Alice and Ed butcher a couple of lazy handymen and talk about dancing. How adorable! It's a pretty ridiculous film overall, with too much talking and only a couple of demented murder scenes to make up for it. The killings are similar to the ones in the 'video-nasty' cult classic "The Toolbox Murders" (a nail gun, a bench vice…) but not nearly as gross or memorable. I always thought Wings Hauser is a bit of an idiot and didn't really like him in this role, neither. His tedious speeches about how "handy-work is holy" are implausible and not exactly terrifying. The climax is just plain retarded.