- Belle Goldman: Dear Mr. Breen. Point one: I have no intention of showing your tasteless letter to Ms. Ross. Point two: I believe there is a law against sending pornography through the mail. Point three: If you should be so ill-advised as to write her any more letters, I can assure you there will be no reply.
- Douglas Breen: Now I know why I haven't heard from you. Your secretary has been intercepting my letters. Obviously she is jealous of our relationship. Her possessiveness worries me. Has it occurred to you that she might have lesbian tendencies? I think you should get rid of her. I will put all of this in a letter and deliver it to you directly. I won't use my last name or return address. You know where to write me.
- Jake Berman: Oh come on, babe, what's the matter?
- Sally Ross: What's the matter? I've got a show to do in five days, the lighting man appears to be learning on the set, my secretary has been attacked, David is dead, and oh yes, there is some fruit cake out there who wants to kill me. Now to satisfy you more, will you please get the hell out of here!
- Douglas Breen: Dear bitch, see how accessible you are? How would you liked to be fucked with a meat cleaver?
- Sally Ross: Look, how long have we been together?
- Belle Goldman: Seven years. I must be a masochist.
- Sally Ross: And I'm a spoiled bitch.
- Belle Goldman: One of the greatest.
- Douglas Breen: I despise those desperate, pathetic people who intrude upon your privacy. Your happiness and peace of mind must be protected.
- [first lines]
- Douglas Breen: [voice over as he is seen typing] Dear Miss Ross, I am your greatest fan - because unlike the others, I want nothing from you. The only thing that matters to me is your happiness.
- Belle Goldman: Of course she's not up yet. What do you think she is, a red-breasted robin or maybe a *secretary*?
- Douglas Breen: [voice over] Your presence alone makes every one of your films a true cinema classic. I don't care what time they show on television, I will gladly stay awake until any hour in the morning.
- Belle Goldman: I had three chocolates.
- Sally Ross: I've had three drinks. Maybe we should turn ourselves in.
- Sally Ross: How's, uh, Little Red Riding Hood? She come with you?
- Jake Berman: She's shopping this afternoon.
- Sally Ross: You know, as long as you're in California and just on my mind, you are on my mind a lot, it's okay. Okay that we threw 15 years down the drain. Okay that you're running around with a girl young enough to be our daughter. Okay that I'm alone. It's the way it worked out. But now you're here and - she's here.
- Jake Berman: I don't want to be alone.
- Belle Goldman: Thanks to you, the whole world hates me.
- Sally Ross: Thanks to you, the whole world loves me.
- Sally Ross: Can you believe they've choreographed a dance for me to do in bed? Now they're arguing about whether I ought to do it in pajamas or a nightgown.
- Sally Ross: What are you doing tonight?
- Belle Goldman: I'm doing steamed vegetables, the laundry, and the late show. One of your old movies is on. That ought to put me to sleep.
- Douglas Breen: We will be lovers very soon, my darling, and believe me, I have all the necessary equipment to make you very, very happy.
- Douglas Breen: I know she's attractive. If you like that kind. But frankly, I think her brains are all in her tits!
- Sally Ross: Who ever told you that life was supposed to be uninterrupted bliss?
- Belle Goldman: What is this bliss shit?
- Sally Ross: I hope you haven't taken to treating all my fans like this.
- Belle Goldman: All your fans aren't trying to screw you. I told you he was a weirdo.
- Douglas Breen: I finally had it out with that Hitler in the record store. When I finished with the despicable worm, everybody in the store applauded me.
- Jake Berman: If you'd of called I would have come over and...
- Sally Ross: Oh, sure you would've. You'd comfort me, hold me, make me laugh, make me think I could take it, made me think I could take anything. Then you'd look at your watch and go meet Heidi for dinner. That's not a relationship. That's the Red Cross.
- Sally Ross: Tell me, um, what's your first name?
- Raphael Andrews: Raphael.
- Sally Ross: Do you come from a family of painters or a family of angels?
- Raphael Andrews: [chuckles] No, my father was a mailman in Queens.
- Sally Ross: The problem between you and me is that everything's lopsided and I don't want to depend on you anymore. It always makes me feel shitty about myself. I want to give, too, not just take. So now will you please get the hell out of here?
- Sally Ross: [singing] Wanted hearts, Not diamonds, Had enough champagne, I don't care if I go, 'Round the world again...
- Douglas Breen: Sally. I want to kiss you. I want to touch you. I want to make love to you. Talk to me, Sally, I don't want to have to kill you.
- Sally Ross: I've always had a thing for men who deliver their flowers in person.
- Jake Berman: And I've always had a thing for half naked actresses.
- Jake Berman: How many times do you suppose we've walked this beach together? Remember the summer we unplugged the phone?
- Sally Ross: Tried to kill each other at Scrabble, drank gin fizzes, slept on the sand. We were something, weren't we?
- Sally Ross: [singing] I always chased those diamonds, Hoping I would shine, Hearts were not my strongest suit, So you were never mine...
- Sally Ross: Here's your chance to be one of those hoodlums that kill their victims for nothing, the thief who murders little old ladies for a quarter. Goddamned terrorist who slaughters innocent people, that's what you really are. Don't you think the world's had enough of it, enough of people like you?
- Jake Berman: [as Hilda walks in on Jake and Sally kissing] Hi, Hilda.
- Sally Ross: Bye, Hilda.
- Hilda: Bye, Mr. Berman.
- Jake Berman: Goodbye, Miss Ross.
- Sally Ross: Hello, Mr. Berman.
- Jake Berman: Hello.
- [last lines]
- Douglas Breen: [voice over, reciting his first ever fan letter to Sally as he is seen dead] "Dear Miss Ross, I have finally worked up enough courage to write you. You do not know me, but who I am does not matter. If there is such a thing as a soul which is the basis of all life, then you are my soul, and your life is my life. This is the first letter of what I hope will be an everlasting correspondence. Your greatest fan, Douglas Breen"