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This is the first film I've watched from my Andy Sidaris 12-film box set (aptly titled Girls, Guns and G-Strings) and if I had any sense it would probably be the last (sadly, I have very little nous when it comes to my choice in film, so it looks like I have my work cut out for me). Sidaris's formula is simple: dumb action films with dumb heroes and sexy women. The men boast big 'taches, big guns and big muscles; the women sport big hair, big tits, and unfeasibly tiny outfits. But while this might sound like B-movie heaven, in Sidaris's hands, it all proves rather tiresome, the deliberate trashiness becoming really boring, really quick.

The plot to Malibu Express comes second to the macho posturing and female nudity, so I won't go into detail, other than to say that it's about industrial espionage and it's crap—not that the action is much better, consisting of poorly choreographed fight scenes, unconvincing shootouts, and the occasional car chase. Even worse is the comic relief, which comes in the form of a family of obnoxious, obese hicks who repeatedly challenge cowboy private eye Cody to drag races—imagine Enos from The Dukes of Hazzard, crossed with Sheriff J.W. Pepper from Bond, the Beverly Hillbillies, and those bikers from Every Which Way You Can, and you still won't come close to how inane and irritating these characters are.

The women are, of course, all attractive (fat hillbilly mother and wheelchair-bound matriarch aside), all over-sexed, and all over the hero, meaning that there are regular bouts of soft-core sex. With such regular titillation on display, it soon loses its novelty factor. Who would have thought that big tits could become tedious? I had more fun keeping a mental tally of the shower scenes and marvelling at the treasure trove of now defunct technology that is on display throughout the film (Cody drives a Delorean, and is mighty proud of his pager and micro-cassette Dictaphone; bad guy Shane opted for Betamax to record his sex sessions).

Malibu Express's wall-to-wall hot totty means that, according to my strict(ish) code, I am compelled to give the film a 4/10; Sybil Danning topless always earns another point, making it a 5 in total, but on no account take that rating as a recommendation.

Wow, I honestly never thought I'd be writing like this, but ... After seeing "Malibu Express", I've seen enough big naked breasts to last me a couple of months! There were boobs - big ones - everywhere! This entire film feels like a promotional campaign to sell subscriptions to Playboy Magazine. I never heard of writer/director Andy Sidaris before, but I'll definitely be seeking out the rest of his repertoire now. What a pleasantly deranged old pervert he must have been.

Regarding "Malibu Express", I haven't yet figured out how to rate it. This is either a brilliant and deliberately tongue-in-cheek parody of typically 80s P. I. movies and TV-series, or a hopelessly inept but genuine attempt to make one. With all do respect, but to be brutally honest, I really doubt Andy Sidaris is intelligent enough to come up with such an effectively biting satire, so why don't we just label it a lucky shot or a "so bad it's good" classic.

The plot is of minor importance, obviously, but the lead hero Cody Abilene is a wonderful character. He's a clueless P. I. who can't properly shoot his firearm, but thanks to his impressive moustache, muscular torso and dimwit macho charm, all women literally throw themselves bare-chested at his feet. Abilene lives on a boat with an entrance gate, the titular "Malibu Express, and drives around in red DeLorean. Whenever he's not being assaulted by half-naked babes or illegally street-racing with a family of hillbillies, Abilene infiltrates into a rich family full of adulterous people, in order to find out who leaks government information to the Russians. "Malibu Express" is often genuinely funny, the finale is unexpectedly clever (with echoes of Agatha Christie) and the women in the cast are just indescribably gorgeous! Sybil Danning is the most famous, of course, but many others are equally breathtaking: Kimberly McArthur, Lynda Wiesmeier, Barbara Edwards, Lori Sutton, Lorraine Michaels, Suzanne Regard, and even that odd-looking Robyn Hilton.

The first time I saw Malibu Express was at the 1985 Cannes Film Festival. Audiences were stunned, and the film received a 10 minute standing ovation. It would go on to win the coveted Palme d'or, proving that director Andy Sidaris is not just a director of his time, but for all time.

Hinton is charmingly alluring; the plot is inconsequential.

From his cute days as Daniel Boone's son he has developed into a very handsome man - and you see "most" of him in this soft core flick along with costar Brent Clark who has a HOT shower scene. Actually Darby's most fleshy scene is also in the shower (great ass but no frontal male nudity in this film). Pool views of his torso, however, are definitely eye-candy. There is also a lot of attractive female skin for those who seek it, but not to the point that this is exclusively a "guy flick."

Most of the characters are played with the same underdevelopment as they were written. Don't look for literature or drama here. But if you want light, frothy, sexual titillation... you've found it.

Darby Hinton stars as a private eye (Who looks like a cross between Chuck Norris and Tom Selleck) who investigates espionage, murder and all kinds of fun stuff while getting laid lots and lots of times. Malibu Express is probably for what it's worth the best movie from Andy Sidaris on a technical level. Of course in my opinion his only other watchable movie was Hard Ticket To Hawaii, anyway Malibu Express has some okay action sequences (Even though Hinton's martial arts sequences are badly staged) and features tons of nudity which is the film's main selling point. The story is completely plot less and extremely hard to follow mainly due to the fact that none of the plot threads are ever pursued in a way that would make this work as a mystery. In fact the ending merely explains the outcome because the movie forgets to connect the dots earlier. Basically this is a plot less and rather goofy affair which works better as comedy than it does as action or mystery.

* * Out of 4-(Fair)

Sidaris took his 'Stacey' and remade it with a male lead.

Former child star Darby Hinton takes over the hero role this time.

He's your typical macho hero too. Lives by the sea. Knows about weapons. Can drive anything. Big blonde dude with an eighties mustache. You know the type.

He also beds every loose woman in this film. And that's pretty much every woman in this film. Every 20 minutes it seemed like he scored.

The fact that there were a few porn stars among the cast helped. Ol' Darby wasn't the ONLY guy getting' lucky here.

This had more of a breast fetish than 'Stacey.' For that alone, most men will dig it. But this film was as realistic as your average A-Team episode. That's not a bad thing mind you, just don't forget.

Hundreds of years from now, when anthropologists sift through cultural artifacts to figure out what Los Angeles was like in 1985, they will stumble upon this movie and stop digging for any more evidence. It's a perfect document of stupid.

There are so many So Cal-centric themes and cultural conceits embedded in this film that it would be impossible to list them all, but let's just mention a few:

• An obsession with cars, and the childish idea that your ride says something about your value as a person. (Cody, the hero, drives a DeLorean and a Firenza, both cherry red)

• A need to mock hillbillies, as seen in the "comic relief" appearances of the Buffingtons. If LA has one calling card, it's that it thinks itself vastly superior to rednecks. Which isn't much of a statement at all.

• The obligatory New York "heavy" with a thick Brooklyn accent and a filthy mouth. Art Metrano, come on down!

You look at the career arcs of the people involved in this Andy Sidaris project and you see an I-405 pile-up of shattered dreams, a real-life "Boogie Nights."

On the plus side, breasts. Lots of breasts.

Cody Abilene (Darby Hinton) is a private eye (living on a huge yacht!) hired to watch over a rich family whose members get involved in cases of blackmail, espionage and murder. The movie uses the typical genre ingredients from the smart-ass off-monologue (explaining the detective's thoughts on the case and clues) to the irresistible femme fatale (Sybil Danning) he meets during his investigations. Because "Malibu Express" has a male hero, it is not completely in line with the 11 following movies about lethal ladies which Andy Sidaris wrote, directed and/or produced until 1998 (read on, I reviewed them all). It was rather "Hard Ticket To Hawaii" which perfected the formula of a typical Sidaris movie. Nonetheless: "Malibu Express" has a lot of scantily clad ladies along the way, is constantly moving at full speed and packed with comedy situations, sometimes as ludicrous as a Russ Meyer movie. I loved the scene when Cody tries to impress two baddies with his muscles - but all of a sudden finds out they are much more muscular than himself... or the girl (Lynda Wiesmeier) trying to make love in a racing car in the middle of a dangerous chase! Oh yes, and „Malibu Express" is "so 80s" with its "make my day" mustached tough guy!

Although "Malibu Express" is officially the first film in the Andy Sidaris "Bullets, Bombs and Babes" series, it's clear that he still hadn't perfected the formula that would dominate his later work. The film has a male lead, and most of the women are portrayed as nymphos / sex objects. Of course, I know that in an Andy Sidaris film the women have a tendency to remove their clothes at the drop of a hat, but they also have a tendency to shoot people, blow things up, etc. Apart from one scene, of a crackshot policewoman embarrassing the hero who is a lousy shot, there is none of that in "Malibu Express": in other words, there is no empowerment to balance the exploitation. The film is a low-rent cross between James Bond, "Smokey and the Bandit" (country music, hicks and car races) and Agatha Christie (there is a murder in a household and everybody is a suspect). It's really not very good - Sybil Danning's exceptional body is one of the few redeeming virtues - but I guess it's better than "Howling II", where Sybil's body was the only redeeming virtue. (**)

This movie is the 80s to me. Cheap and tawdry but also earnest and full of heart. Frankly me and friends liked seeing topless girls and were too young to see them any other way. Yet this movie also had a lot of humor and action. I can still watch it because the lead guy was genuinely personable. The world depicted in this movie exists on its own terms. A cross between the world of MacGyver and John Holmes. There were dubious sequels to this film, but the same cast was not used. While Hard Ticket to Hawaii had one or two moments of fun, they never had the down home feel of this Malibu. I must tell you it still makes me laugh. Now for different reasons. It is both an embrace and a condemnation of the high rollers of the 1980s. The crude attitudes about gays and even a semi rape wouldn't fly today, but it stands as a record of a more ignorant yet more laid back time.

And while this one is far from good, it still stands out in the Sidaris universe. Seeing almost all of their movies, I can tell you, this is by far the best. From here it goes downhill. Do what I didn't. Quit while you're ahead.

Writer/director/producer Andy Sidaris kicks off his L.E.T.H.A.L. Ladies (or Triple-B as he called it, Bullets, Bombs, and Babes) series of 12 films. Crass does not begin to describe this 80s video store staple. Mustachioed P.I. Cody Abilene investigates Russians spying on a high tech computer company. As with most John le Carré novels, this leads to equal parts shoot outs, hot shower scenes, and sweaty lovemaking. Featuring numerous Playboy playmates and cult favorite Sybil Danning ("Chained Heat" "Reform School Girls" "Young Lady Chatterley II"), calling this film trashy doesn't even begin to describe it, but if you're in the mood for just about the most crassly 80s movie imaginable, you might enjoy "Malibu Express," which I most certainly did, even if I objectively knew it was complete garbage. Essential viewing for fans of so-bad-it's-good cinema!

This is what the "Dukes Of Hazzard" would be like if it was geared to adults! Cody Abilene, a man who can't shoot straight with a gun, but can with a...well, you know, is a P.I. trying to solve a crime involving a rich family being bilked out of its cash. This one has it all, gorgeous babes, graphic violence, great sex scenes (for 1985), a good plot, and a hilarious sub-plot involving The Hogg family's cousins, The Buffingtons. A Russ Meyer film made for the 1980's by Andy Sidaris, and a memorable one. The best scene is when Cody needs to find a new car to replace the one he lost, and he goes to a used car lot owned by a woman who recognizes who he is, and when he request to buy a car, the lady starts to seduce him; and later, when he leaves, he says (in a first person voiceover, that he was raped!). Good stuff.

I don't want to say that I'm a fan of Andy Sidaris' movies but I've seen most of them. "Malibu Express" isn't as good as most of the others. This one should have been better. Sidaris had all of the dreamy women in place but the problem is with the star, Darby Hinton. Hinton's shirt is off more than the women's. I found that kind of annoying. Of course, I'll watch this one again someday. It's just as fun as it should have been.

After hearing reports that the Soviets have been stealing American computer technology, the United States government hires a private eye by the name of "Cody Abilene" (Darby Hinton) to find out who is responsible. To do that, he is invited to spend some time at a mansion owned by a wealthy widow named "Lady Lillian Chamberlain" (Niki Dantine) where it is suspected that one of her family members is directly involved. When he gets there, however, he soon discovers that there is quite a bit of intrigue already happening with both Lady Chamberlain's daughter "Anita Chamberlain" (Shelley Taylor Morgan) and her daughter-in-law "Liza Chamberlain" (Lorraine Michaels) being blackmailed by the butler "Shane" (Brett Baxter Clark) for various acts of indiscretion with him. Not only that, but not like the fact that Cody is learning too much about their illegal operation, the Soviet agent in charge decides to send three hitmen to terminate his investigation--once and for all. Now, rather than reveal any more, I will just say that this rather low-budget "secret agent film" contained a decent mixture of action, comedy, sex and intrigue but never really excelled in any of these particular areas. To that extent, about the only notable thing about this movie is the number of attractive female actresses and models who definitely brighten the otherwise dull scenery. Be that as it may, while possibly not a bad film necessarily, it isn't something that I can highly recommend either and I have rated it accordingly. Slightly below average.

movie is a waste of film. lots of ugly naked people, thanks, Thats just what I wanna see...

The jokes weren't funny either. How this film got made is a wonder to me. This is the sorry pimple on the butt of the soft porn industry.

A pox on any who think this is worth while viewing material.

"Malibu Express" are those movies your parents didn't let you watch back in the day. When the plot slows, that's when the girl's tops come off. And THANK GOD. Andy Sidaris knows what we want. Similar to Russ Meyer...this is a sweet romp of a ridiculous plot. But everyone attacks it with such sincerity, you HAVE to love it. I wished I was old enough to have given the option to watch this at a drive-in. This would've been awesome.

Movie starts strong, but then meanders into really tough to sit thru story. And you start to player hate on Cody, since he gets all these beautiful 80's playmates.

No matter, I enjoyed it for what it was.

The last movie featuring the gum-chewing blonde girlfriend of Mel Brooks' governor character in BLAZING SADDLES, the Noir detective spoof MALIBU EXPRESS has tons of Playboy Playmates, vanilla mustached leading man Darby Hinton, and the kind of light hump wannabe-porn that didn't quite need a curtain in the video rental store...

Yet even for a bad movie, is downright awful, lacking the homage-driven tongue-in-cheek humor, interesting locations, and sporadic gunplay usually given to Bogart-like throwbacks: comedy or otherwise...

Besides Hilton's five scenes as the mischievous maid, Marion... Maid Marion... Sybil Danning, in her usual comfortable b-movie groove, provides the only decent performance despite the fact there's no rhyme or rhythm here at all...

C'mon already, bad cult films are supposed to be fun. But this EXPRESS was made about ten years too late... not the sound of a genuine party, but someone playing their music too loud.

Andy Sidaris film simply made to show off the "talents" of numerous Playmates and Penthouse Pets. He then tries to mask the playmates by creating a murder mystery to keep the flow of the film going. This has become an ongoing trend in many of Sidaris' later films, which are kind of fun. Hinton plays a Magnum P.I.-wannabee who finds himself in a murder and in the clutches of sexy Sybil Danning. There's plenty of Playmates, sex and mystery to keep an audience entertained.