- Alfred Schultz: So where's my blind date?
- Hawk Ganz: She'll be here! They're coming all the way in from the Bronx.
- Alfred Schultz: So what? Are you fixing me up with a bimbo?
- Hawk Ganz: Oh no, they're young girls... Bimbettes.
- Steve Dawkins: I think I'm gonna be sick.
- Hawk Ganz: Well, don't do it on my shirt.
- Steve Dawkins: It's your shirt that's making me sick.
- Arthur Willis: I remember my father telling me there are only two important things in life. He said, " finding out what you do well and finding out what makes you happy. And if God is smiling on you, they're both the same thing."
- Arthur Willis: What are you looking at? Eat your halibut and mind your own business.
- Jeffrey Willis: Yeah, eat your halibut and mind your own business.
- Phil Brody: I hate aspic.
- Phyllis Brody: Oh, Phil, Lizzy worked all day on this dish. I read it to her from the New York Times.
- Phil Brody: I don't want anything on my plate that moves, hmmm! Right, Jeffrey?
- Phil Brody: You ever hit by a bug going 180 miles an hour? Believe me, it's not a thrill. For you or the bug.
- Phil Brody: See, Jeffrey my boy, God put certain people on the earth to give you money. And your responsibility in life is to go out there and take it.
- Phil Brody: [speaking of his father being discouraged one time] And he sat there, and he looked at me. Do you know what he said to me? "Phil, how many pounds of potatoes will I eat before I die?"
- Jeffrey Willis: Dad, did you have potatoes tonight?
- Arthur Willis: Oh, yeah, boiled.
- Jeffrey Willis: How many potatoes do you think you'll eat before you die?
- Jeffrey Willis: He says what he sees in me spells salesman.
- Arthur Willis: What I see of you spells crap.
- Jeffrey Willis: Listen, Pal, I'll have you know that I know Jujitsu, Karate, Judo, and some other big words, so don't mess with me alright?
- Mrs. Unger: You have a nice behind, Jeffrey. All the cabana boys seem to have the same size behind. Can I put your tip in your pocket?
- Jeffrey Willis: Yeah.
- Jeffrey Willis: [Jeffrey keeps on moving as she inserts some dollar bills on his behind] You missed my pocket again, Mrs. Unger.
- Mrs. Unger: I like to miss it.