- Grandmother Reese: You're fat! My husband was fat. He's dead now. You must eat like a pig!
- John Bourgignon: A pig. Yeah, yeah.
- Grandmother Reese: Cigarettes'll kill you. My husband smoked, you know. He died from smoking too much.
- John Bourgignon: I thought you said he died 'cause he was fat!
- Grandmother Reese: He was fat, with bad lungs.
- Ed Reese: How much money do you make in a year?
- John Bourgignon: Oh, in a year, I would say anywhere from thirty to eleven thousand a year, sir.
- John Bourgignon: I'd like to talk about my dick. It's this wide!
- [stretches out his hands]
- Grandmother Reese: Who's Dick?
- Nancy Reese: Maybe the wedding will help to bring everybody closer together.
- [doorbell rings]
- Misty: Yeah, weddings are like that.
- Mrs. Reese: [off-camera] Misty... your pimp is here to see you!
- Skipper: [after giving Damian a long list of tasks to do] Damian, be a dear and get me a coffee.
- Damian: [off-camera] I'm only ONE person.
- Jerome Willy Muhammed: I know the police out there... with their machine guns and helicopters. Oh, we're going to get blown away! But that's all right... because we're ready to die.
- John Bourgignon: No, we're not.
- Angela: [voice in the aerobics class] Reach for beauty, reach for peace, reach for money and success! And stretch! Stretch!
- Dr. Ted: There's only one way to cure that.
- Chick Leff: What's that?
- Dr. Ted: To drop him on his fucking head.
- Chick Leff: Now what are you going to say to her?
- John Bourgignon: I'm going to take your advice. I'm going to sit her down. Look her in the eyes. And lie my ass off.
- Chick Leff: Always works, Johnny.
- Margaret Anderson: Beaver, what's wrong? You're covered with blood!
- Beaver: Yeah, I know. It's Wally's blood. See, Wally and I were fixing his bike in the driveway and Dad came home and got real mad. So he took a gun out and killed Wally. Blew his head clean off his shoulders. His face is all over the garage door. It's a real mess.
- Wallace Jefferson: Hey man, you remember Maurice Walker, the car thief? He dead. Yeah, his old lady threw him down the elevator shaft. That must have happened 3 or 4 years ago, man.