Handlung

A descendant of the famous vampire gets a job as a photographer shooting beautiful fashion models at the family estate. Being around so much naked and semi-naked flesh has the expected effect on him.

Castle van Skrew has seen better days, which is why Stanley [Gianni Garko] has returned to the old Bavarian homestead, hoping to save it from ruin. Accompanied by his girlfriend Linda [Linda Grondier], his younger brother Chubby (Leopold in the German version) [Tobias Meister], and his working staff of models, Stan has opened the Drop-In Disco and a photography business, Dirty Dozen Pictures, in the castle. Little does Stan know that, while he is dancing in his disco and shooting soft core porn photos of tortured women in the dungeon, beneath them lies his great grandparents, Count Stanislaus Dracula [also Gianni Garko] and Countess Olivia [Betty Verges]. Stanislaus Dracula and Olivia made a pact years ago to never leave their crypt, and they have been tended to since then by their faithful renfield Boris [Ralf Wolter], whose duty it is to steal blood from the local bloodbank so that Dracula and Olivia can feed. Lately though, their blood supply has been running short thanks to the village's prim schoolteacher, Ellen Nutcracker [Ellen Umlauf]. Ellen, who has been proclaiming for years that the castle is inhabited by ghosts and vampires, saw Boris stealing the blood. She and the school janitor, Daniel McCleary [Dan van Husen], followed Boris back to the castle, where they peeked in the window and saw the naked women. When Ellen heard that Stan also opened a "dicko," she is certain that the castle has become a den of iniquity and makes it her sworn duty to report this corruption to Burgermeister Dumphammer [Alexander Grill] and save the virture of the village youth.

Meanwhile, Dracula has had it. Tonight's blood supply was nothing more than a "mosquito's reserve" and that infernal racket from the disco "not only could wake up the dead, it HAS." He decides to leave the crypt and see what's going on. While Ellen has a heart-to-heart with Boris over the stolen blood, and Stan discusses the possibility of opening a hotel with Italian investor Mario [Giacomo Rizzo], and Mario's hot girlfriend Mousie (Mausi in the German version) [Bea Fiedler] cools off under the table with Freddie [Herbert Stiny], Stanislaus Dracula puts the bite on Linda. Also dissatisfied with her meal, Olivia dons a cape and leaves the crypt. She comes upon Chubby, but when she bares her fangs, Chubby takes off, falling into a pond. When Olivia tries to bite him again, Chubby stuffs a fish in her mouth. Chubby decides to arm himself with garlic, crosses, and stakes and become a vampire hunter.

On a tour of the castle, Ellen notices that a portrait of Count Stanislaus has been changed for a portrait of King Casimir the Absurd. When she locates the real portrait, dated 1829-1880, and notices that Stanislaus looks like Stan, she concludes that Stan is Count Stanislaus and that he is a vampire. She reveals that she is really Ellen Van Helsing, daughter of the famous vampire killer, and attempts to repel Stan with a crucifix, but it doesn't work. That night, when Dracula and Olivia wake up, Olivia notices that her husband looks revitalized, while he informs Olivia that she looks like a "graveyard fishwife." When Dracula goes upstairs to the disco, Olivia finds the ladies' room and cleans herself up. She then seduces Freddie but doesn't drink from him. Instead, she drinks from Chubby.

Meanwhile Stan is away from the castle, negotiating to sell his photos to Playboy Magazine. When he phones Mario to relay success, Mario is alarmed because he sees Stanislaus in the disco and assumes he's seeing a ghost. Just before dawn the next morning, Stan returns to the castle to find Olivia dancing in the courtyard. Thinking that Stan is Stanislaus, Olivia comes on to him and asks to be taken down to the crypt. Thinking that Olivia is just some drunk chick, Stan agrees. Stan is astounded to see Olivia climb into a crypt and slide the heavy top shut, but before Stan can figure out what's going on and alert anyone, Ellen and Daniel knock him in the head with a club. Fortunately, before Ellen can pound a stake through Stan's heart, Dracula breezes past on his way to his crypt. Ellen and Daniel skedaddle.

At breakfast, Mrs van Skrew (Frau Grafin in the German version) [Herta Worell] finally spills the family secret about Dracula and Olivia. Mario wants to destroy the vampires as they are bad for business, but Mrs van Skrew won't hear of it. Stan comes up with a solution. With Mario's backing, they can turn the castle into Hotel Dracula, rename the Disco to Disco Dracula, and advertize the fact that they have real vampires willing and able to bite any guests who want it. It's a good deal for Dracula and Olivia, too, because they can have all the blood they want.

In fact, Hotel Dracula is so successful that it doesn't take long for the all-night sucking schedule to wear on Dracula and Olivia such that they decide to return to Transylvania where they can live out their own "deaths." Not to worry about the hotel, though. Dracula has made arrangements for his successor. From the hotel balcony, Stan and Linda watch Boris drive off with the Count and Countess. Stan and Linda kiss, and Linda sinks her fangs into Stan's neck. [Original Synopsis by bj_kuehl.]