- Vassili Markovitch, Commisar of Art: I want to look somebody up. Does this office have a copy of Who's Still Who?
- Vera: Darling, I have looked it up. Comrade Yoschenko is a woman.
- Vassili Markovitch, Commisar of Art: That's your opinion.
- Bibinski, Commisar: [reading a telegram] Former commissar on extended leave of absence. Envoy extraordinary arrives Friday, seven o'clock, with full power. Your authority cancelled herewith. Markovitch.
- Ivanov: Extended leave of ab-abscene?
- Brankov, Commisar: That means he's dead.
- Brankov, Commisar: Be casual. Don't frighten him. Smile.
- Bibinski, Commisar: I haven't smiled in 30 years.
- Vassili Markovitch, Commisar of Art: Well, the Comrade Minister said, but, he didn't tell me - I'm not so sure if for this job a woman, well, physically a woman is not equipped...
- Ninotchka Yoschenko: When the Minister sent me here, he did not say it was for a discussion of biology.
- Peggy Dainton: Writing, Directing, Cast. Those things don't mean a thing today. Today there are many other things that are much more important.
- [singing]
- Peggy Dainton: Today to get the public to attend the picture show, It's not enough to advertise a famous star they know. If you want to get the crowds to come around, You've gotta have glorious Technicolor, Breathtaking Cinemascope and, Stereophonic sound...
- Steve Canfield: Ninotchka, don't you like me at all?
- Ninotchka Yoschenko: The arrangement of your features is not entirely repulsive to me.
- Steve Canfield: Oh, thank you. Thank you. Don't you think in time, you might go a little further than that?
- Ninotchka Yoschenko: I have not seen the rest of you.
- Steve Canfield: So you may have to persuade him
- Peggy Dainton: How can I persuade him if you can't?
- Steve Canfield: Because...
- [looking at her figure]
- Steve Canfield: We're built differently.
- Ninotchka Yoschenko: In Russia when somebody wants someone they say, "You, come here."
- Steve Canfield: Oh, you mad romantic Russians!
- Peter Ilyitch Boroff: What? No more bows? Ach, what am I talking about? Soon I won't have a head to take a bow with.
- Vassili Markovitch, Commisar of Art: I am the new commissar of art. My name is Markovitch. Any questions?
- Choreographer: Comrade commissar...
- Vassili Markovitch, Commisar of Art: I will ask the questions. What are they doing?
- Choreographer: Peter Boroff's tone poem, "Ode to a Tractor."
- Vassili Markovitch, Commisar of Art: Peter Boroff? Do you not know that the great Peter Boroff may not come back from Paris, and if he does not, he no longer has any talent?
- Vassili Markovitch, Commisar of Art: [On telephone] What? But comrade minister, how can I be in trouble already - I just sat down? The Boroff matter? I wasn't the one who sent those three idiots after Boroff, so why is it my fault? Oh, that is true, there is no one else.
- Vassili Markovitch, Commisar of Art: Let us get down to business. You are familiar with Peter Ilyitch Boroff's music? You are a music lover?
- Ninotchka Yoschenko: Music is essential for parades.
- Vassili Markovitch, Commisar of Art: Of course.
- Ninotchka Yoschenko: It seems to me that seduction can only take place when one is willing.
- Vassili Markovitch, Commisar of Art: Yeeesss. I can see that you would think that. Have you ever been to Paris?
- Ninotchka Yoschenko: No! I have never been outside the Soviet Union.
- Vassili Markovitch, Commisar of Art: Welllll, heh, heh, I have spent many years in Paris. I got very close to the French people. In fact, they deported me three times.
- Steve Canfield: [singing] Paris loves lovers, For lovers it's heaven above. Paris tells lovers, "Love is supreme, Wake up your dream, And make love!" Only in Paris one discovers, The urge to merge, With the spurge, Of the spring...
- Ninotchka Yoschenko: Please don't make an issue of my womanhood.
- Steve Canfield: I was looking forward to it.
- Ninotchka Yoschenko: Your attitude is typical of the male in capitalistic society. You will soon be extinct.
- Steve Canfield: How long have I got left?
- Steve Canfield: Don't you ever feel so happy that you just want to dance all around the room?
- Ninotchka Yoschenko: Happiness is the reward of industry and labor. Dancing is a waste of time.
- Steve Canfield: Well, I like wasting time.
- Brankov, Commisar: [returning to their suite with lipstick on his cheek] I just got your call. I was having a manicure.
- Bibinski, Commisar: At two o'clock in the morning?
- Brankov, Commisar: I cannot sleep with long fingernails.
- Ninotchka Yoschenko: For the first time in my life, I looked at something and thought, "How beautiful!" instead of "How useful."
- Ninotchka Yoschenko: I want to ask you a serious question. Are you flirting with me?
- Steve Canfield: Of course. No question about it.
- Ninotchka Yoschenko: Suppress it.
- Ninotchka Yoschenko: Where is the little comrade's room?
- Steve Canfield: Oh, just at the end of the hall.
- Vassili Markovitch, Commisar of Art: A couple of months ago some idiot let Boroff get to Paris and naturally he wants to stay there.
- Ninotchka Yoschenko: What do you mean: naturally?
- Bibinski, Commisar: Not that we're not working on our mission. I am still prevailing upon Canfield to show us the affidavit concerning Boroff's father.
- Brankov, Commisar: Bibi, don't prevail too much!
- Ninotchka Yoschenko: What do you want?
- Hotel Porter: May I have your bags, madame.
- Ninotchka Yoschenko: Why?
- Brankov, Commisar: He's a porter. He wants to carry them.
- Ninotchka Yoschenko: Why? Why should you carry other people's bags?
- Hotel Porter: Well, it's my business, madame.
- Ninotchka Yoschenko: That's no business. That's social injustice!
- Ninotchka Yoschenko: [looking at a display of silk stockings] How can such a civilization survive? Where women are permitted to wear things like these?
- Ninotchka Yoschenko: You are an American?
- Steve Canfield: Yes, ma'am.
- Ninotchka Yoschenko: Tell me, in America, are you one of the oppressors or one of the oppressed?
- Steve Canfield: Oh, one of the oppressors, definitely.
- Ninotchka Yoschenko: Aren't you ashamed?
- Steve Canfield: Come, now. As one oppressor to the other, you know its the best spot to be in.
- Steve Canfield: You ought to play Portia.
- Ninotchka Yoschenko: I have. In Gorky's "Merchant of Venice."
- Ninotchka Yoschenko: Why can't you understand this is no laughing matter?
- Steve Canfield: Comrade, we're in Paris, in the Spring, why can't we make it a laughing matter?
- Steve Canfield: I didn't do anything to the commissars. Paris did! It did it to them. It did it to me. It'll do it to you.
- Steve Canfield: Don't you ever have any desires to see the pleasures of Paris?
- Ninotchka Yoschenko: Pleasures - Paris - how was you said, "the urge to merge with a splurge"?
- Steve Canfield: That's right!
- [singing]
- Steve Canfield: Paris...
- Ninotchka Yoschenko: Capitalistic!
- Steve Canfield: Loves lovers...
- Ninotchka Yoschenko: Characteristic.
- Steve Canfield: For lovers...
- Ninotchka Yoschenko: Sensualistic!
- Steve Canfield: Is heaven above.
- Ninotchka Yoschenko: They should be atheistic.
- Steve Canfield: Paris...
- Ninotchka Yoschenko: Imperialistic!
- Steve Canfield: Tells lovers...
- Ninotchka Yoschenko: I'm pessimistic.
- Steve Canfield: Love is supreme, wake up your dream, and make love!
- Ninotchka Yoschenko: That's anti-Communistic!
- Steve Canfield: Paris...
- Ninotchka Yoschenko: Militaristic!
- Steve Canfield: One discovers...
- Ninotchka Yoschenko: You're optimistic.
- Steve Canfield: The urge to merge with the splurge of the Spring.
- Ninotchka Yoschenko: Bourgeoisie propaganda.
- Steve Canfield: Paris...
- Ninotchka Yoschenko: Unrealistic.
- Steve Canfield: Love's lovers, for lovers know that love...
- Ninotchka Yoschenko: Is individualistic.
- Steve Canfield: Is...
- Ninotchka Yoschenko: And not at all collectivistic.
- Steve Canfield: Everything.
- Peggy Dainton: [singing] I lately did a picture at the bottom of the sea, I wrestled with an octopus and licked an anchovy...
- Ninotchka Yoschenko: [Steve kisses Ninotchka] Why do you do that?
- Steve Canfield: Because you're absurd and irresistible.
- Ninotchka Yoschenko: Is this what is known as the courtship?
- Steve Canfield: Yeah. The build up. The pitch.
- Ninotchka Yoschenko: Then I shall get out my little black book and make notes.
- Ninotchka Yoschenko: Facts are facts!
- [singing]
- Ninotchka Yoschenko: When the electromagnetic of the he-male, Meets the electromagnetic of the female, If right away she should say, "This is the male!" It's a chemical reaction, that's all. And though your Fascists may answer with hisses, The same applies when your misters and misses, Hey-diddle-diddle with middle-class kisses, It's a chemical reaction, that's all...
- Ninotchka Yoschenko: What is your theory?
- Steve Canfield: My theory is there is no theory.
- Ninotchka Yoschenko: But, you are attracted to me and, obviously, there must be scientific reasons!
- Steve Canfield: Oh, there are reasons. But they have nothing to do with electromagnets.
- [singing]
- Steve Canfield: I love the looks of you, the lure of you, I'd love to make a tour of you, The arms, the eyes, the mouth of you, The east, west, north, and the south of you, I'd love to gain complete control of you...
- Steve Canfield: You just don't react chemically or otherwise, do ya? Don't you ever let yourself go?
- Ninotchka Yoschenko: Go where?
- Steve Canfield: Oh, I don't know. Just go, go, go!
- Ninotchka Yoschenko: Look, I know perfectly well the pleasures of music and dancing. But pleasure itself is an indulgence. Only by denying selfish interests can one properly serve the State.
- Steve Canfield: You. Come here.
- [kisses Ninotchka]
- Ninotchka Yoschenko: That was restful. Again.
- [long kiss]
- Ninotchka Yoschenko: Your tie, what is it made of?
- Steve Canfield: Why? Silk.
- Ninotchka Yoschenko: Silk should be used for parachutes.