- Capt. Henri Rochard: My name is Rochard. You'll think I'm a bride but actually I'm a husband. There'll be a moment or two of confusion but, if we all keep our heads, everything will be fine.
- Capt. Henri Rochard: Well, on the contrary, the process of turning a man into a woman is enormously complicated, but I'll do my best.
- Soldier: You're not Mrs. Rochard!
- Capt. Henri Rochard: I'm MISTER Rochard.
- Soldier: Well, it's your WIFE who must report here for transportation to Bremerhaven.
- Capt. Henri Rochard: According to the War Department, I AM my wife.
- Soldier: You can't be your wife!
- Capt. Henri Rochard: If the American army says that I CAN be my wife, who am I to dispute them?
- Capt. Henri Rochard: Go to sleep.
- Lt. Catherine Gates: What, with you in the room?
- Capt. Henri Rochard: Well, I can't rub you from the hallway.
- Capt. Henri Rochard: I am an alien spouse of female military personnel en route to the United States under public law 271 of the Congress.
- Lt. Catherine Gates: [humiliated after Capt. Rochard publicly returns her laundry in an insinuating manner] Oh, what a stinker YOU are.
- Capt. Henri Rochard: [cooly] Did I forget something?
- Lt. Catherine Gates: What a dirty stinker - and you're going right back in that office and explain to them how you got my laundry by mistake in Dusseldorf and forgot to give it back to me.
- Capt. Henri Rochard: Well, it's such a dull story. Who would care?
- Lt. Catherine Gates: You know what you made them think?
- Capt. Henri Rochard: [feigning innocence] I don't quite understa... Oh, no! You mean you and ME? Well, I'd be glad to explain to them. The very idea of any connection is revolting.
- Lt. Catherine Gates: No, you don't. No, you don't. Never mind. Just forget it.
- Capt. Henri Rochard: But I'd be delighted. I'll explain to them I think you're repulsive.
- Lt. Catherine Gates: I wonder what the army'd do if I deserted?
- Capt. Henri Rochard: They'd shoot you. The thought makes my mouth water.
- Lt. Catherine Gates: [Rochard is holding a baby for a stranger. His wife and Kitty walk up, both laughing] Ah, Henri, you look so maternal!
- Lt. Kitty Lawrence: What is that?
- Capt. Henri Rochard: A human fire extinguisher. You wanna try it?
- Lt. Kitty Lawrence: Oh, come on.
- [takes baby andfrowns at its prodigious wetness]
- Lt. Catherine Gates: Aww, he's cute. What's his name?
- Capt. Henri Rochard: Niagara.
- Lt. Kitty Lawrence: [shaking hand dry] Henri, what a thing to do.
- Lt. Catherine Gates: Where's the mother?
- Capt. Henri Rochard: She went to get *more* water.
- Lt. Kitty Lawrence: She ought to get a plumber!
- Capt. Henri Rochard: That, uh, linguist in there - I think he's stuck on you. What's the matter with him?
- Lt. Catherine Gates: It's only natural that you wouldn't understand, Henri.
- Capt. Henri Rochard: It certainly is.
- Lt. Catherine Gates: You see, you chase after anything in skirts - anything; they're all the same to you. But lots of men can tell them apart. Believe me - sometimes they find one they like better than the others.
- Capt. Henri Rochard: Hmm.
- Lt. Catherine Gates: That's called love. You probably haven't experienced it, but you must have read about it somewhere.