- Dad Morgan: [in his son's shop: looking at a stage prop skull which moves its jaws up and down] You must've been a woman. You know you're dead, but you're still trying to talk.
- Dad Morgan: [On the phone with Michael] Should I bring the gun?... It's against the law to carry a gun in New York? Well, it's a fine time to tell me. I read where three fellows were found yesterday shot full of holes. What'd they shoot them with, saxophones?
- Dad Morgan: [to Duvallo] New York is the only town I've ever been in that you could learn to hate in a day.
- Dad Morgan: [indicating the sign on his son's shop, "Miracles for Sale"] Well, if you wanted to go into business, why didn't you open a butcher shop? Now, selling meat's a business, but, selling miracles - that's monkey business.
- Dad Morgan: Who drew all those funny marks on the floor?
- Michael Morgan: Ghosts.
- Dad Morgan: What?
- Michael Morgan: Ghosts!
- Dad Morgan: Ooh... I thought you said "goats." Well, how comes that you don't know that Siberian dungeon trick, and Duvallo does? He can't be very smart - he was born in New York...
- Michael Morgan: You'd like my father. He thinks everybody in New York oughta' be shot - and he's dying to start the movement.
- Quinn: [a dead body at the crime scene has suddenly disappeared] Fine police department we are: even dead guys disappear on us. I don't like this magic stuff!
- Inspector Gavigan: Don't let anything funny happen, because if you do, I'm gonna' say a few magic words over you and your JOB will disappear!
- Michael Morgan: Don't stay up too late.
- Dad Morgan: I'm not going to go to bed until I've straightened out your books. This morning a fella sent you a bill for lumber, and I think he added in his weight and his mother-in-law's blood pressure.
- Michael Morgan: Okay, Dad.
- Dad Morgan: How comes that you didn't know that Siberian dungeon trick and Duvallo does? He can't be very smart. He was born in New York.
- Michael Morgan: Ah, I practically invented that trick. It's based on the principal that in an unsolvable mystery, the real facts are just the opposite of what they seem.
- Dad Morgan: Well, I was a little confused before, but now that you explained it, I'm bewildered.
- Judy Barclay: I wish I didn't have to seem so ungrateful.
- Michael Morgan: Well, don't take all the blame. Nobody asked me to follow you..
- Michael Morgan: Well, whatta we do now? You don't want me to stay and you don't want me to go.
- Judy Barclay: I'm afraid there's nothing anybody can do.
- Michael Morgan: Can't I even punch somebody in the nose for you?