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Die Teufelsbrüder

Oliver: Well, looks like we're in it. Gee, I wish I could go.
Stan: Go where?
Oliver: Why to war!
Stan: Why can't ya go?
Oliver: There you are, I knew you'd take that selfish attitude. I'd go in a minute if it wasn't for my flat feet!

Oliver: [to drill sergeant, after another troop has marched by in perfect unison] Why don't you have *us* do like that?

Mr. Smith: [pointing out the window to the lunch wagon] And is that part of your business?
Oliver: Part of it? Why, that's *all* of it.
Mr. Smith: [laughs uproariously] To lend you money on that, I'd have to be unconscious!

Title Card: Somewhere in Nowhere - Where the cannons boomed all day - And the cooties boomed all night -...

Oliver: Pardon me, Officer. Would you happen to tell us where Mr. Smith lives?
Policeman: Smith?
Oliver: Yes, sir.
Policeman: Smith. Smith. Let me think. What Smith?
Stan: It's Eddie's father.
Policeman: Eddie who?
Oliver: Why the father of this child.
Policeman: What's his name?
Stan: Who?
Policeman: Why the father of this child. That's who you're looking for, isn't it?
Oliver: Ah no, sir.
Policeman: No?
Oliver: The man we're looking for is the father of the father of this child.
Policeman: Oh, now I understand you. It's the grandfather that's lost.
Oliver: Yes. Oh, no sir. He's not lost.
Policeman: No? Well, then what are you looking for him for?
Stan: We're not looking for him. We just tryin' to find him.

Oliver: Wasting your time like that! While I'm here slaving all day. Why don't you do something to help me?
Stan: Well, what can I do?
Oliver: Well, you can take care of the baby awhile. I've got my ironing to do!

Oliver: [to Stan] Wait a minute, I'll do this. You've gotten us in enough trouble.

Oliver: [referring to the trash he has just been told to take to the general] If the General wants it, he can HAVE it.

Stan: The next address is 49 Colbrook Avenue. It's just around...
Oliver: [takes the directory from Stan and chucks it in the bushes] From now on, we'll telephone.

Mr. Hathaway: You have saved the family's name.
Oliver: [watching as Eddie is being chased around the house by his father] What seems to be the trouble, Mr. Smith?
Mr. Hathaway: Why those people are... SMITH? Did you call me Mr. Smith?
Oliver: Yes, sir.
Mr. Hathaway: [to his butler] Hawkins, my Winchester.
[angrily, to Stan and Ollie]
Mr. Hathaway: My name is not Smith. It's HATHAWAY!
[Ollie starts chuckling, then stops as he and Stan get looks of horror on their faces at the realization of the trouble they had just caused. Ollie nervously twiddles his tie]
Oliver: I'm afraid we've made a little faux pas.
Mr. Hathaway: I'm afraid that you have!
Oliver: I'm sorry if we've caused you any inconvenience.
Mr. Hathaway: That's quite alright.
[Hathaway is handed his rifle. Ollie shouts and runs away, as Hathaway gets off two shots]

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