- Jack Dunkleman: It's like I've been in love with this girl since elementary school, and this new guy just steps in and blows up my seven-year plan. Like, that's not cool, and he's going to end up with Kimmy, and Jodi'll spend the rest of her life pining for the one guy taller than her. And where does that leave me?
- Fareeda: Sometimes I wonder what it'd be like to go to lunch with my friends and have them ask me about my problems.
- Jack Dunkleman: Oh, and furthermore...
- [last lines]
- Jodi Kreyman: [narrating] Short handles on roll-away suitcases, my feet hanging off every bed I've ever slept in, having to sit sideways on airplanes. We've all got something about ourselves we wish we could change. But it's completely out of our control. The only thing that we can control is how we deal with it. And the way I see it, we have two choices. We can lay low, or we can stand tall.
- Jack Dunkleman: [competitively] So, let's say that you and Stig date, okay? You, uh, fall in love, stick together through college, down the line you get married, have a baby. And the combined strength of your tall gene and his tall gene creates a zygote in your belly the size of an above-average sized watermelon. Okay? So that would mean that that puppy's coming out Cesarean; through the side door. Do you really wanna go through the rest your life with a big old scar on that beautiful torso of yours. 'Cause, you know, it's what you're asking for.
- Jodi Kreyman: [trying on a dress] I look like Grandma's couch.
- Helaine Kreyman: Or a beautiful mermaid princess!
- Jodi Kreyman: [stream of consciousness] "Kimmy Stitcher." Travel enthusiast. Future real estate agent, or some other occupation that involves her face on a bench. And one of my OTs... original tormentors since childhood.
- Jodi Kreyman: I wasn't planning on kissing another girl's boyfriend, I mean, even if that girl is Kimmy, but that's not me. I'm not the other woman. I mean, I'm barely a woman.