Die Zahnfee wird dich holen!

The first Tooth Fairy movie is one that eluded me on my bi-weekly visits to the Human sideshow known as Walmart. I guess I was slightly pickier back then. I bought the fourth entry there recently not realizing it was part of a series. Fortunately I found parts 2 and 3 at Goodwill and was able to obtain the original on eBay for less than the cost of a new movie and that includes shipping. A word of warning to people hoarding Scott Jeffrey movies for resale value later on, don't do it. Even those sexy slipcovers won't make these turds valuable. This doesn't feature Scott's usual coterie of actresses/actors with none of the faces familiar to me. It does feature the overly dramatic dialogue and talkative nature of most of Jeffrey's movies. Like all of them they start out fast and furious and then plod along with endless drama and boredom for the vast "middle" part of the movie. Things pick up at the end with some decent kills involving teeth removal and a toothbrush death which was unrealistic but fun. This movie also features some pro-sugar propaganda, with the deadly white substance being one of the few things that can harm Tooth.

Tooth is a really lame moniker for a killer creature. The creature itself is kind of cool looking during its brief screen time. This also features a quick scene of the often annoying/occasionally funny Shawn C. Phillips in an online video explaining the history of the Tooth Fairy. Like most Scott Jeffrey produced movies this is dreary, colorless, humorless, way too talky and wastes a beautiful English countryside location. There's no sex/nudity as usual though the cast is absent of beautiful women so it's not a huge loss. There's also a very sparse amount of blood and gore. Jeffrey has been involved in some fun films, Tooth Fairy isn't one of them. I'm really glad I have 3 more Tooth Fairy films (with a fifth film in production) to look forward to.

The premise could be pretty interesting, but it's just horribly executed. The movie fails at so many points in the filmmaking process. The first part of the movie is very confusing and afterwards you're hit over the head with exposition. The actors aren't that great, but it might as well be a lack of direction or the horrible writing. Unfortunately they fail completely, at believably portraying the whole thing. Last but not least, the casting is very poor. For example the "daughter" looks 15 years older than the "mom".

It's difficult to know what to make of this. The first few scenes made me think the production was a spoof, so incredible were the casting choices. Jen (Claudine-Helene Aumord) is visited by her resentful daughter Carla (Claire-Maria Fox), who looks exactly the same age. Father Rueben (Will Dodd) looks even younger, resplendent with a few grey flecks of hair and growling for all he's worth to convince us of his 'advanced' years. It's difficult to think of a worse start to a film.

Things improve slightly when the Tooth Fairy turns up, all distorted voice and Halloween mask. Suddenly, there's a bit of gore and the tantalising idea of people suffering other peoples' pain when having their teeth hammered out. In among the grubby soap-opera-level squabbles, the creature is revealed as a family curse, in a series of flashbacks spread throughout. All accompanied by the strains of a mournful piano.

This is an independent film, and I like independent films. And yet it suffers more than most with its limitations - it has no pace, and the acting varies from scene to scene. Even so, the location is beautiful and well-photographed and some moments are well directed. My score is 5 out of 10.

Sometimes gambles pay off. Sometimes you get this. Presents itself like it wants to be a horror movie but it's heavily padded with family turmoil that isn't even remotely interesting. At a few points it seems like they're intentionally trying to make a "so bad it's good" movie. But Troll 2 this is not. Just steer clear of this one.

Stilted dialogue and lack of story or setup aside, the "father" looks like a 20 year old with some grey spray in his hair who is desperately trying to sound like a grizzled old man; his "daughter" gets a visit from her "daughter"... who looks 10 years older than her.

I mean.... we're not talking Oscar calibre anything here, but surely getting age appropriate actors isn't difficult...?

There's no passage of time other than what's indicated by the terrible exposition and strained dialogue, so it may as well be the next day on from the opening scene.

Ugh. Sorry, but whinging English characters don't do it for me. But if everything I've written is your cup of tea, then give this a watch. And you have my deepest sympathies!