Marriage Story

This movie is unequivocally carried by its stellar acting performance from its leads. Throughout the movie, you will feel the emotions of the actors and actresses on the screen and what they are going through. And the story itself does a good job at trying not to paint a black and white picture of a divorce instead making it a grey affair where both the man and the woman are in some part in fault. This is one of 2019s best acting and you need to see it just for that.

Although every story is individual, the film captures a couple of important general realities about the state of modern divorce:

1) Many divorces shouldn't happen and that includes this divorce as it was portrayed.

The couple had plenty of regard for each other which was demonstrated in several portrayed interactions between them. The divorce appears to be mostly motivated by their differing professional aspirations. No matter how justified these may have been, in my moral judgment they should have been secondary to providing a stable home for their child. Perhaps the saddest aspect of our modern society is that many of us fail to realize that life is best experienced by subjugating our own needs to those around us, most particularly within our immediate family and even more particularly to our minor children. This form of narcissism seems more prevalent in show business where successful careers depend on self promotion and that may explain why people in that occupation appear to divorce at a higher rate.

2) Our legal system exacerbates the divorce experience for those who have assets

In most cases at the time that the decision to divorce is made, the ensuing pain is underestimated by the couple. Rather than the anticipated experience of freedom and removal of a burden, the loss of companionship causes considerable pain and grief which is most often redirected as anger toward the other spouse. If the couple have assets and hire attorneys, it is in the financial interest of the legal professionals who are billing hourly to take advantage of this acrimony. Many family law lawyers are like the Alan Alda character in the film and do their best to address the emotional needs of their clients despite this financial reality but there are others who do not. Too often divorces cause huge financial pain for both parties.

I didn't expect this to mirror how my ex wife and I had to go through the stages of divorce so accurately. My son was only 2 when we were divorced and all of the ups and downs and petty fights and anger that we had for each other was exhausting but we went through it all just to fight for him, who we both love more than anything. We said horrible things to each other we can never take back but we didn't really mean and we both eventually found a way to make it work for him and to protect him from the ugliness. We made it through to the other side and have a good relationship now and work as a team to raise him with love and support but it was a long road out of hell to get there. This movie portrayed that in a way I would never have expected. It made me cry numerous times thinking of how hopeless and angry I was for so long and in that I feel like this movie deserves every accolade it gets. It felt genuine and painful but with hope at the end. It's real and powerful.

Surely this must have drawn heavily from writer/director Baumbach's own experiences. He was married to Jennifer Jason Leigh and they have one son, plus before they divorced in 2013 he began a relationship with Greta Gerwig in 2011. So he probably lived much of what is depicted here.

The two principals, Adam Driver as Brooklyn stage director Charlie Barber and Scarlett Johansson as actress Nicole Barber, are superb in their roles. While it seemed like they were happily married for 10-odd years, with an 8-yr-old son, Nicole began to more and more feel that her own desires were being ignored while as a married couple they always did what Charlie wanted. When she gets an opportunity to take a TV role in Los Angeles she also decides that it is the right time for the two of them to split up. Charlie is blindsided.

It is often a hard story to watch because even to the end it is clear that, in spite of the required animosities during divorce proceedings, Nicole and Charlie have a bond and care deeply for each other.

My wife and I (both having gone through divorces of our own years ago) watched this on DVD from our public library.

Marriage Story directed by Noah Baumbach is an extremely well observed portrayal of two people who once loved each other and are now going through the painfull and ugly process of separation and divorce with a son torn between them.

Thanks to the great script this process is shown in an impartial way where both sides are relatable. The acting by Driver and Johansson is phenomenal and arguably the best i have seen this year. They are nailing the quiet moments as well as the loud.

I only had some minor issues with the movie. I think some of the side characters like Charlies lawyer and some of the people working at the theater are stereotyped. Also the humor felt sometimes forced and out of place.

Marriage Story is a pretty great movie and one of the best of 2019. If Ingmar Bergman is too bleak for you and Woody Allen too quirky, this movie sits right between them and you will love it.