- Homeless Man: I wouldn't do that if I was you, you'll just end up blowing your damn face off. Then you'll still be depressed, even more depressed probably because of your fucked up face.
- Miles: Don't worry, this isn't a love story about some nerd trying to get the girl like she's an Xbox achievement to be unlocked.
- Zander: Cops are looking for you. Seems like you're in some deep shit now. Always knew you were a fuck up.
- Miles: Let me go.
- Zander: What'cha gonna do? Take me on? You gonna hit me amigo? You el loco?
- Miles: Shut the fuck up! Stop pretending you speak fucking spanish you fucking idiot!
- Zander: Hey I'm sorry please don't kill me.
- Miles: You put me down every time I come in that door! You docked my pay for attending my mother's funeral, and you hit on my girlfriend in front of me! I am so sick of you and all of your fucking shit! Fuck you and fuck that fucking chipmunk!
- Miles: Behind the keyboard I'm the ultimate troll hunter. I know I should just let it go, but I just couldn't resist. Yeah, get angry at me. Let's do this.
- Riktor: There are others. Skizm is a global franchise now. We're gonna be the Starbucks of murder. The Mcdonald's of massacre, yeah. We'll be the burger king of... badness.
- Miles: [Narrating] You see, in real life, watching your ex pistol-whip some guy's teeth out gives you PTSD, not a raging lady boner.
- Nix: Just go, come on.
- Miles: What? Me? Why do I have to go first?
- Nix: Open the fucking door.
- Miles: I'm not exactly great at opening doors right now.
- Nix: Come on.
- Miles: Honestly, I still don't trust you. You might shoot me in the back.
- Nix: I promise, that when I do shoot you, it will be in the front.
- Miles: You have already shot me like a dozen times. I can feel the bullets rattling inside me when I walk.
- Miles: [thinking] Oh man, I even can't remember the last time I walked outside without my face in my phone. Everything looks so HD.
- Miles: Fun factoid, guns are way loud than in the movies. In real life, Rambo would not be killing guerilla fighters, he would be learning sound language.