Dam Sharks

Come on, you know what you are getting in this. Fun movie, good quality kills and hot babes, oh and killer dam sharks, need I say more?

I wish that I could say watch it and really mean it. The most redeeming part of this movie is Neka Zang, dang she's hot. I could fill the rest of this review talking about how sexy she is and not actually tell you anything about this movie. However, if you feel brave and want to venture forth, then do so with the warning of you may not be entertained at all.

Okay, well you just know that chances are 95% likely that a movie such as this 2016 movie titled "Dam Sharks" is going to be just another ultra low budget shark movie with horrible special effects.

And guess what? ... It was exactly that.

I mean, bull sharks that build dams out of wood and human remains? Are you kidding me? Who comes up with this kind of stuff? I suppose James Kondelik and Jon Kondelik did. And no, this wasn't even so goofy and campy that it was fun to watch. No, it was just cringeworthy.

The sharks were poorly made and didn't come off as being realistic at all. No thumbs up for the CGI team for their accomplishment on "Dam Sharks". And having creatures that are realistic and look proper is a definite must for a movie such as this. And having this poorly animated CGI sharks just sank the movie to the bottom.

Well, the CGI and the laughable storyline. The plot and script in "Dam Shark" was so generic and mundane that even a blind person could see what was happening next. It was just atrociously predictable and way too generic.

The only performer in the movie that was familiar to me was Jason London. And I thought that the movie might actually have a chance of being watchable when he was in it. But no...

If you enjoy shark movies, you must take heed and stay well clear of "Dam Sharks". There are far, far better shark movies available out there in an abundance.

My rating of "Dam Sharks" is a generous three out of ten stars, mostly because this was a shark movie after all. A bad, bad shark movie though.

I guess I should give it credit for making a movie where sharks make a dam out of human bodies in a river. Even though every single aspect of it is stupid, at least it wasn't miserable to watch. The half-hearted attempts at themes and humour are all derived from proper setups. Even after trying to think of anything positive about it, it's absolutely bad. I think this kind of movie when made a little bit more competently often does things that are repulsive in imagery and themes that being so innocent with it is making me a bit apprehensive to hate this even when I totally know this is bad. So even if I give it the least rating, it's still not the worst. Imdb is censoring me for this dash.

Have made no secret in the past of intensely disliking, and even outright hating a lot, a vast majority of SyFy's (near-universally maligned for good reason) output, though there is curiosity as to whether they are capable of making something good and compulsive about their output's badness. Admittedly, SyFy do have a small group of watchable films and the occasional (big emphasis on that word) above average one, unfortunately outweighed by the lacklustre at best and often dreadful films they churn out.

Am well aware, just to make things clear right now, that films like 'Dam Sharks' are not ones to be taken seriously, have been well versed enough seeing previous SyFy efforts to not expect that. Have seen my fair share of low-budget shark films, and any other kind of low-budget creature film, and will admit to finding some guilty fun in some of them (i.e. the first two 'Sharknado' films). There are marginally worse shark films certainly than 'Dam Sharks'.

Some of the scenery is semi-decent but that is it in 'Dam Sharks' favour. Even that is wasted by that the rest of the production values are so poorly executed.

The acting largely is pretty poor, with the usual mix of overplaying and blandness. Any few attempts to develop the characters results in padded and pointless scenes, development is at best flimsy and it's all overwrought and does little to make the characters endearing or care or learn enough about them.

The execution of almost everything is severely underwhelming, not just being visually cheap and poorly acted and written even worse but what seemed like a decent, if very generic, idea was executed in typical SyFy shark movie fashion, with no imagination whatsoever and only occasional splashes of fun.

Faring worse are the production values, story and writing. 'Dam Sharks', aside from the scenery, is drably shot and sloppily edited, but it's the truly abysmal special effects that are the worst. As the sharks were made on a low-budget it would have been forgiven a little if it was not great, but when the effects for the sharks look as if no effort was given in making them without looking so goofy and unfinished-looking that is hard to ignore or forgive.

Can say no better about the portrayal of the sharks either. They exude little personality either, no menace, not even any unintentional goofiness. Generally the attack scenes, apart from the odd mild amusement, are sloppily edited, too brief and devoid of suspense or sense of horror. Any gore is cheaply cartoon and adds nothing.

Writing ranges between incredibly bad to appalling. Any comedy is incredibly forced and is so cheesy it is enough to make the eyes roll in disbelief, while the more serious moments are very awkwardly written and as trite as anybody can possibly go, complete with some truly muddled jargon. The silliness goes well overboard as the film progresses and it becomes intelligence insulting even when one tries to take it for what it's trying to be.

Really wanted to like the story here because the concept was intriguing slightly, but while it starts nicely the further the movie progresses the lazier, cheesier and more formulaic it gets, also making the mistake that most SyFy films make of trying so hard to be over the top and stupid but in a painfully predictable and less than fresh way that it becomes tiresome. The stupidity gets stale quickly and the film is lethargic generally in pace from over-extending a too thin story for a too long length.

In conclusion, awful. 1/10 Bethany Cox