The Shanghai Job

This film tells the story of a security expert who is ambushed during a job to protect a vase from Shanghai to London.

Even though it is a proper heist film, it lacks intensity and thrill. It somehow does not seem very believable or engaging, but I can't exactly pinpoint what is wrong with it. Perhaps it is because of its constant need to impress viewers with its fancy cars, posh real estates and high tech gadgets.

Considered amongst many film critics to be the very best at convincingly portraying a piece of very thin, soaking wet, tissue paper and possessing the emotional range of a balloon with a face drawn on it, Orlando Balloon has proven time and time again that you don't actually need to be able to act in order to be successfully mistaken for an actor.

In this latest offering he succeeds spectacularly in proving so again. The addition this time around of a mop of blonde hair and a selection of small cuts to his face and various 'hero' poses, all fail in adding any real depth to his standard facial expression or to this flop. It's dire.

Fortunately for all concerned, Orlando cannot confirm what his next role might be and it really isn't worth watching this movie to see for yourself why that is.

Mr. Bloom, I used to be your fan and liked some of your films, especially "Kingdom of Heaven", which gave certain impact to the depth of my emotion and the character you played also impressed me a lot. Your participations of all the films you've signed on never overlooked by me.

But this "The Shanghai Job" really forced me to call an end to pay any further attention to you, because this film only qualified for "straight to Wal-Mart B-movie DVD bin", not qualified for a generous wide release on the big screen. Please do not get involve with any film backed up by any Chinese production in the future. This film is just so pretentious and phony and so painful to watch, not just terrible.

Also, dying your hair into a blond only gave me such a pain to watch, it looked just so repellently unnatural. Your heavy South African English accent in this film also turned me off further. The story is so childishly ridiculous, the scenarios and the plots both laughable, the directing so mediocre, genetic and boring. All the supporting actors, some of them are veterans and reputed in mainland China or in Hong Kong, but they were also ridiculed and wasted by this ridiculous and childish screenplay. It's, like I've said before, so painful to watch.

This film is so bad and I really don't want to waste more words to review it, 'cause it's unworthy.

The plot is both convoluted and dumb. That's it's biggest flaw. The characters regularly make ridiculous decisions. And even though a security firm is featured, its absurdly small for the assignments it takes on.

It's an action movie, but as it is set in contemporary China, no firearms are involved. This detail needn't have had a negative impact, however, if it featured decent martial arts. But while there is plenty of hand to hand combat, it's pretty generic in style. It's not particularly entertaining, and doesn't involve the kinds of martial arts maneuvers fans of martial arts themed films would expect to see.

Almost the entire cast is Chinese. Also, a large percentage of them appear to be quite young. In addition, the entire movie takes place in China. Yet the director and screenwriter are both Westerners. So it's unclear who the target audience is supposed to be. Chinese, or more specifically, Chinese youth? If so, the film might have been more effective if the screenwriter were either Chinese, or deeply familiar with the tastes of that country. Then again, Orlando Bloom is a Brit, so maybe the intended audience is British or Western?

Perhaps the best thing about the film is that many of the actors are quite good looking.

This is a complete waste of time. Nothing is good in this film. Even Orlando's acting is mediocre. Fighting scenes are a joke. The script is total boredom. And the IT guy is so bad that it is paintful to watch. Hell , there is not even a sexy girl scene. As i have said in the title - this is a total disaster!