- Keanu: Hello, Clarence. It's me, Keanu. Meow.
- Clarence Goobril: Wait, are you Keanu Reeves?
- Keanu: [laughs] Yeah, I'm your spirit teacher. People can't be excellent to you unless you're being excellent to yourself.
- Clarence Goobril: Listen, if you let us go, I might be able to get you into a meeting of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee if they're not in a closed session!