Merteuil

I've made it three episodes into HBO's "The Seduction," and frankly, my patience has worn thinner than the silk stockings they're all wearing. This show is supposed to be a scandalous, sexy romp through the 18th century, but honestly, it's about as seductive as watching someone try to assemble a bookshelf using only a quill pen.

The main characters-who all look like they got lost on their way to a very confusing haircut convention-spend most of their time brooding dramatically in very dim lighting. I think one guy is trying to steal another guy's fiancée, and another person is mad about a glove, but the plot is moving so slowly I'm not sure anyone actually knows what's going on.

They call this "high drama," but it's really just "high laundry bills." Every time someone gets slightly upset, they dramatically tear off a piece of expensive lace or knock over a tiny porcelain teacup. The budget for dramatic fabric-ripping alone must be astronomical. It's exhausting to watch.

By the third episode, I had fully transitioned from "intrigued viewer" to "bored art museum security guard." If you're looking for a show with passion and actual plot movement, go watch a squirrel bury a nut. It has better character motivation and less confusing historical jargon. "The Seduction" is an expensive nap disguised as television. Save your time and your sanity.

This show is bad. There's no respect whatsoever for "Les Liaisons Dangereuses". The acting is apalling: a bunch of disoriented acting students trying to make it until the next line (scenes don't even come across as rehearsals but as if there was a prompt in front of them).

The one star goes to Jean-Pierre Lorit and Patrick d'Assumçao who delivered proper performances. Diane Kruger is such a great actress though on this occasion, she isn't even trying (and clearly misplaced among this team of 'so called' new talents). No wonder she gives the impression that she's thinking of her errands list while shooting this boring and pathetic show.

I barely made it through Episode 1 and I'm tapping out - and honestly, that was an act of heroic patience. If "tacky" were an art form, this show would be hanging in the Louvre.

The writing is so shallow it practically evaporates. Every line sounds like it was generated by an algorithm trained exclusively on perfume commercials and bad fanfiction.

And the acting... wow. If the goal was "bland, beige, and barely conscious," then mission accomplished. Diane Kruger as Rosemonde gives a performance so flat I had to check whether my TV settings were accidentally stuck on "energy saver mode." Whatever complexity the role was supposed to have clearly got lost somewhere between the script and the set.

The show leans so hard on sex appeal that I'm amazed the entire production didn't topple over. Newsflash: sex doesn't always sell - especially when there's no story, no passion, and no reason to care. It's like watching a seduction scene performed by people who've only ever read about emotions in textbooks.

Overall, this series is a glossy void - shiny on the outside, absolutely nothing on the inside. Save yourself the time and the brain cells.

This show doesn't deserve the hate.

I wasn't hoping for much from the show based on the other user reviews but I was desperate for something to watch whilst nap trapped with a newborn. Overall, I enjoyed the show.

It was a little slow paced at times but there was a good storyline and great acting by all the cast.

Even though it leans into the dramatic and sensational, that's the whole intent of this series and that along with the sexual/erotic nature of the series will automatically have some giving bad reviews. This is pure fun and great when viewed within the context of Valmont. It also looks and feels more valid in French with subtitles. The English audio and mouths that don't match literally don't match the context and style of the series. Watch in French with popcorn.