If I Had Legs I'd Kick You

I kid you not when I say this is a psychological horror film. No, seriously.. it is. I don't think many films capture the flip side of motherhood with intricate detail, but Mary Bronstein's second directorial effort definitely does. It's everything that could possibly go wrong when you're a working mother with a husband who works at sea (..means being away for a reasonable amount of time). To make matters worse, the aforementioned "working mother" is a therapist (..I will NEVER understand how therapists lead normal lives.. well, what is NORMAL anymore, anyway?). She has to deal with clingy patients, an occasionally stiff supervisor (who she takes therapy from), a sick child (her own), a missing mother (her patient), a large hole in her house, an annoying parking manager, etctera.. the list is overbearing, and unbelievable I might add.

Rose Byrne plays the protagonist Linda -- I don't have words. It's a knockout performance no doubt, and one that's going to fetch plenty of accolades. You know, the film is set in Montauk (a little beach time) and I'm someone who's fond of the beach milieu in storytelling. But goodness me, I wasn't prepared for what the beach would bring in this movie. It even ends with the noise of the high tide -- something I usually find calming (amidst the chaos of life), but after what I bore witness to for 1h 50m, I just couldn't listen to it anymore. It didn't give me PEACE.. it gave me a PUNCH in the GUT. Wow, what a time to be alive.. and to be a PARENT.

There are some really good supporting acts here too. Check out the cast for some (likely and) unlikely names. Mary Bronstein's film also adds a bit of magical realism, and it also cleverly keeps Linda's daughter's face out of focus even when she's a constant presence. One can also sense some allegorical perspectives, what with the mom who abandons her baby, almost immediately reflective of Linda's own dismantling inner psyche. Her mind's turbulent like the ocean outdoors, she's often labeled an incompetent mother (which all mothers obviously would hate), and there's no semblance of a pause in her life. That's what felt the most AFFECTING. There are writing issues, but Byrne killed it.. absolutely killed it.

I need to start a list of all the films that have cemented the fact I will never have children. 'If I Had Legs I'd Kick You' would go somewhere near the top. This movie was nightmare fuel.

This is one of those rare movies where there's no real plot or story, and yet you're still captivated by every moment. You need to know what will happen next. And it feels like anything could happen next, which is great feeling.

The final sequence was an interesting one and something I had to do some reading about to fully get my head around. I liked it but it wasn't quite the knockout blow I was hoping the movie would end with.

This is exactly the kind of movie where a Q&A with the director afterwards at Fantastic Fest would be a treat. To get their first hand interpretations on what certain things meant would be priceless.

Overall though I really enjoyed 'If I Had Legs I'd Kick You'. It was unique and it gives you a lot to think about. Throw in some great performances and you have a pretty engrossing couple of hours. 7/10.

Stunning and deeply disturbing in the best way-Rose Byrne gives a career-best performance as Linda, a therapist/mother whose life collapses under her daughter's illness and endless pressure. You feel every ounce of her frustration, exhaustion, and rage; the way she lashes out at everyone (husband, doctors, even her own therapist) is painfully real. Beautifully made, psychologically intense, and so raw it almost hurts to watch. Only downsides: the dream-vs-reality blur can be confusing, and it's definitely not for everyone-mostly hits home for women (or people close to women) who've felt this kind of overwhelming burden. Still, an easy 9/10 for me.

As a woman in my mid twenties recently diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, this film was deeply uncomfortable it irritated me, pulled me in, and wouldn't let go until the end.

It captures emptiness and distorted perception with unsettling precision. I saw myself in it and that recognition brought a mix of satisfaction, fear, disgust, and acceptance.

It's a complex, haunting portrayal of despair and chaos within a wounded or unstable mind.

A brilliant work. I'll never watch it again.

For the love of God, why is this movie categorized as a comedy?! It is a dark psychological drama, period. Not a dark comedy, not a thriller.

Rose Byrne delivers an amazing acting performance, but don't see this movie because you thought she was funny in Bridesmaids. You will be sorely disappointed.