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Dakka Fiction » Dark Inquisition - Part 4 is up! Critique and comments appreciated » Go to message
 mrwhoop wrote:
Nice read and I enjoyed your describtions of the fallen hive defending itself from righteous burnination


Thank you for reading.

I know it's been about 40 millennia since the last instalment of Dark Inquisition, I've had a lot on my mind and been on holiday but I have not forgotten this.. Inquisitor Solistilius and friends (enemies too) will return at some point. I just need inspiration and a clear head to get me going. Stay tuned for more, if anyone is still keeping an eye on his blasphemous story.
Dakka Fiction » The founding. » Go to message
Great posts there, especially the Inquisitor's background.. it will be interesting to learn more about him & Romulus and see what crucial role they will play in the war. Keep up the good writing!
Dakka Fiction » Mordecai » Go to message
Interesting! I look forward to seeing the resolution of this... although if he discovers The Fallen then I could imagine the Inquisitor getting into a lot of trouble with a particular chapter...
Dakka Fiction » Mordecai » Go to message
I liked that, as Trondheim said, space battle was fun!

Showed the overconfidence of the pirates. Though, in future, I'd suggest you represent others learning from that mistake and only attacking when they have the advantage of surprise/numbers.

Pirates don't last long if they aren't careful to choose their targets wisely, after all, with all those Imperial fleets and blockades.
Dakka Fiction » Mordecai » Go to message
Glad to see it all collected even though I've only been following one of the stories (yet it shows me that I've clicked three of the threads before).

Hopefully one day I'll be able to read all of his adventures!
Dakka Fiction » May His Legacy Never Fade » Go to message
I enjoyed reading this entire thread.. took quite some time however.

I really am enjoying your take on things and I had the same thoughts as the person who commented that it was similar to Game of Thrones.

Magnus seemed very weak though, to be beaten by a few Night Lords, terminators or otherwise. I was really looking forward to him tearing through dozens of squads, with his hands and mind, before finally confronting Kurze with a final, epic showdown. Left me a bit disappointed there, I have to say, but I'm sure you'll come up with something interesting with his capture.
Dakka Fiction » An Inquisitor's Memoir » Go to message
 Fezman wrote:
I honestly wasn't sure whether to add the flashback bit. Felt a bit info-dumpy when I was writing it. But I wanted to put it in, and I couldn't think of a better spot...


It was well placed. Reminiscence is important for character development and often it's nice for readers to be fed some info rather than be speculating...

Plus, I have a feeling the events of 2 years ago will come to have some new significance with the current events in the story at some point.

Would be interesting to see a post from Jayanti's perspective soon, see what she's getting up to, especially if it's only a veiled tease... leaving us intrigued and curious but in the dark.

Maybe her spy will contact her...
Dakka Fiction » Dark Inquisition - Part 4 is up! Critique and comments appreciated » Go to message
 Fezman wrote:
Whether you write a prologue will of course be up to you as you see fit in the end, but I think it is fine as it is. I don't mind starting in the middle of things, and I feel like I'm starting to see the details emerge gradually, but at a nice enough pace, as I read. I for one like that feeling of discovering things as the story progresses, but if you feel the need to explain things a bit more thoroughly to save yourself having to add exposition further along, go for it.


I'll take that into consideration... Might leave the prologue for now - if I ever did write it up, then it'd need to be quite mysterious and not at all explained, in true prologue fashion.

Maybe I won't change anything... and I'll make chapter 2 a nice short and cheerful way of creating the 'scale' I want for the wider scheme of things. Seems like the best plan.

Haven't had much time to focus on this recently but I will try and write tonight.
Dakka Fiction » The founding. » Go to message
I think that was the best post in this story so far! I loved the disgruntled and disgraced penal legion characters... All very interesting. In fact I hope they get their own thread one day, they are extremely fun to read... Guardsmen who are no better than hive scum yet have been trained to kill.. No glory or retirement for them, only endless blood and suffering.. Grim dark just how I like 40k to be.
Dakka Fiction » An Inquisitor's Memoir » Go to message
I'm enjoying this a lot.

Keep it up!
Dakka Fiction » The founding. » Go to message
Excellent... I look forward to a fierce battle sequence.

May I suggest you do some posts now and then from the perspectives of both the enemy troops and commanders as well as other IG units to give the battle far more scope and give personality to the other participants. It'd also give us insight into what the enemy is like and also what other IG think of the other regiments... They don't always get on well.. Maybe a friendly fire "accident" could set up interesting, if volatile, interactions and consequences in the future which may be a lot of fun for you to write and us to read.
Dakka Fiction » The founding. » Go to message
 Trondheim wrote:
Yes I find English rather hard to apply to my own works, and yes. A very good point


It would be interesting to see if this regiment became more and more diverse with additional unique units or formations.

After all, got to make your heroes' regiment stand out. (of course to keep it believable... strengths & weaknesses go hand in hand as I'm sure you know)
Dakka Fiction » The founding. » Go to message
 Trondheim wrote:
 Darkvoidof40k wrote:
I'm enjoying this, although the pacing could use some work... One minute it's a parade ground, the next they're in the warp and then suddenly they are thrust straight into battle. It feels a bit like each scene doesn't get a well-rounded ending and simply pours over into the next one. I also thought something interesting was going to come from the power outages on the ship but I was disappointed when they just went to bed. Furthermore it would have been useful if they had stayed in the Inquisitor's briefing, that was a good opportunity to give readers an idea of the wider picture - more information about the war and why the Inquisitor was there. Even if you only hinted at the reasons, it'd make us all have a good long think about it. Also I'll mention a minor fluff point, Stormtroopers are the most highly trained soldiers in the guard and they are not deployed onto the front lines as a vanguard, they are reconnaissance and infiltration units. They always have a specific mission, not merely used to bolster the lines in the meatgrinder. They also are not part of guard regiments, they are attached from their own stormtrooper regiments.

Other than those points which I hope are useful and can help you improve your writing, it was a good read and I look forward to more.


Well thank you, if it explains anything my works are translated from Norwegian so I suppose it may acount for some. But thank you anyhow. As regarding the storm troopers I take some creative liberties, due the fact I base my work on the regiment I play on the table top.


Ah, the language barrier explains things then... I congratulate you on what you've accomplished considering that.

It's not unbelievable for a regiment to have its own elite units and call them storm troopers as well.. makes perfect sense really.
Dakka Fiction » The founding. » Go to message
I'm enjoying this, although the pacing could use some work... One minute it's a parade ground, the next they're in the warp and then suddenly they are thrust straight into battle. It feels a bit like each scene doesn't get a well-rounded ending and simply pours over into the next one. I also thought something interesting was going to come from the power outages on the ship but I was disappointed when they just went to bed. Furthermore it would have been useful if they had stayed in the Inquisitor's briefing, that was a good opportunity to give readers an idea of the wider picture - more information about the war and why the Inquisitor was there. Even if you only hinted at the reasons, it'd make us all have a good long think about it. Also I'll mention a minor fluff point, Stormtroopers are the most highly trained soldiers in the guard and they are not deployed onto the front lines as a vanguard, they are reconnaissance and infiltration units. They always have a specific mission, not merely used to bolster the lines in the meatgrinder. They also are not part of guard regiments, they are attached from their own stormtrooper regiments.

Other than those points which I hope are useful and can help you improve your writing, it was a good read and I look forward to more.
Dakka Fiction » An Inquisitor's Memoir » Go to message
I liked that instalment a lot. It was very succinct and well written; very relaxed and enjoyable to read without any over-description which would have ruined this otherwise truly excellent piece of descriptive splendour.

Master Kroll was a surprise, I was suddenly imagining a comically inept man and wondering how he attained that position yet you immediately rid me of such thoughts and actually established a low dread, perhaps border disgust at this outwardly unimpressive yet inwardly deadly and brutal. Made me think of how psykers must be viewed in the Imperium, except rather than simply acknowledging it, it was as if I experienced the briefest hint of what that loathing and dread of such estranged mutants which the Imperium's people rightly have at the thought of psykers.

I also enjoyed how the mundane travel through the warp and all those other things were lackluster and uninteresting to Rasmussen yet an ordinary person could spend months on that ship without running out of interesting things to see and do.
Dakka Fiction » Dark Inquisition - Part 4 is up! Critique and comments appreciated » Go to message
 Fezman wrote:
This is just a really enjoyable read. I don't really have anything else to add, but I wonder what it is about a well-written Inquisitor story like this that seems more absorbing than most other types of 40K tales? Probably the way you get to take a look at sides of the Imperium you wouldn't normally get to see. Keep it up!

Thank you for the kind comment, I'm very pleased that you're enjoying the read.

Inquisition stories.. I get what you mean. They combine some of the best elements of the setting and have so much potential, which is always fantastic from a creative point of view.

It all needs revision and editing to get it up to scratch with my standards.. but there's time for that. Besides, a piece of writing that's rough around the edges just means it can get much better.

In other news I may add a prologue and/or change what has been written to chapter 2, and write a new chapter 1 which introduces the story better before continuing to push the story forward. Does that sound like something you (and any other silent readers out there) would enjoy? I hope so. It'd give a much wider perspective on what is happening.
Dakka Fiction » Dark Inquisition - Part 4 is up! Critique and comments appreciated » Go to message
 thenoobbomb wrote:
For what I've read so far, sounds nice.
Maybe I'll read the rest as a bedtime story


Nightmares or your money back!

Glad you enjoyed it, or at least what you've read so far.
Dakka Fiction » Dark Inquisition - Part 4 is up! Critique and comments appreciated » Go to message
For 90 views, only one comment is a bit disappointing... I've written 10,000 words for this so far and I would really appreciate some feedback/opinions from people.
Dakka Fiction » An Inquisitor's Memoir » Go to message
 Fezman wrote:
Rewritten some of the last post to help some clumsy dialogue flow better.

I'm returning to work tomorrow (yay!) after a period of unemployment, so the adventures of Rasmussen might become more of a weekly thing. Gives me more time to think of ideas, though.

Beaviz: Regarding characters not doing much else when they talk, that's a side effect of when I do my writing. I tend to have my best ideas late at night, so though I get caught up in the flow of the dialogue I'm more likely to make mistakes. When I'm dropping in bits like "he scratched his nose," etc I tend to lose my flow a bit when I'm writing it, though it is a valid point and I can usually improve things when I take a look the next day.

 Darkvoidof40k wrote:
Very good!

I love the plot twist and it makes me think back to how Rana was described as influential and a difficult target to take down should her enemies amongst the Inquisition try it. Combine that with her visit to Tau space, her tracking his investigations and her personl army who just so happened to try and kill our unwitting protagonist.. It's all a perfect set up. Everything falls into place and yet perhaps you want us readers to draw conclusions like this... Only to surprise us further, being the devious chap you are.

Bravo sir, a highly enjoyable read!


You know, if I had any of these things planned (which I will neither confirm nor deny) I'm going t have to change them now.


Not necessarily my good man... it's like how we all know the story of the Horus Heresy yet everyone still buys the books because they're interested in what actually happened at character level, not just an overview.

And I was just summarising my thoughts of course... anything could happen.
Dakka Fiction » An Inquisitor's Memoir » Go to message
Very good!

I love the plot twist and it makes me think back to how Rana was described as influential and a difficult target to take down should her enemies amongst the Inquisition try it. Combine that with her visit to Tau space, her tracking his investigations and her personl army who just so happened to try and kill our unwitting protagonist.. It's all a perfect set up. Everything falls into place and yet perhaps you want us readers to draw conclusions like this... Only to surprise us further, being the devious chap you are.

Bravo sir, a highly enjoyable read!
Dakka Fiction » Dark Inquisition - Part 4 is up! Critique and comments appreciated » Go to message
Chapter I (part IV)


Inquisitor Pious Hunt stood in contemplation with his eyes shut tightly. His breathing was regulated in an exercise that brought clarity to his thoughts as he meditated on what was soon to come. It would be a dangerous battle, however one of utmost importance. His quarry had evaded him for many years but now that the sub-sector had rallied enough forces together to invade the planet, he would have his righteous vengeance. Servitors skittered around him, monotonously intoning pre-battle rituals and appeasements to the machine spirit of the power armour which they were encasing their master in. The armour was crimson red and adorned with sigils of fire and retribution - for such were the tools of his position as a Witch Hunter of the Ordo Hereticus.

The servitors finished attaching the thick armour and Hunt opened his hazel eyes. A servitor handed him his helmet and he carried it in one hand as he walked purposefully towards his retinues' lodge - a special section of the Dominator class cruiser Persecution of Judgement. It was Hunt's personal vessel, designed for up-close engagements with the enemy where he may bring justice to heretics personally, be it from the bridge or part of a boarding team if necessary.

Within the lodge he found them all making their own pre-battle arrangements as was their custom. To his left stood five Stormtroopers, the leader of which was Sergeant Benedict. They were priming their bulky hellguns with hot-shot powerpacks and recalibrating their mechanisms a dozen times to ensure perfect performance in a fire-fight. Their explosives expert, Rennard, was preparing Triplex Ultima high-yield melta charges. To his right stood Nilus, a crusader and highly skilled warrior who wielded a power sword alongside a bulky suppression shield. Further along was Castigator Rastel was chanting a prayer to the Emperor for his blessing in battle. In one hand he held a waving censor which filled the air with the intoxicating smell of burning oils. His other hand held a formidable Eviscerator. The gigantic chainsword was deactivated for the moment, however Inquisitor Hunt knew it to be a deadly weapon which had messily cleaved even the most heavily armoured foes in twain. Alone near the end of the lodge-barracks was Jerethia. The Calculus Logi was a short woman who sported several bionic attachments that she might best carry out her duties as a combat engineer and the vast source of information held within her augmented mind was supplemented with the ability to calculate and process sensory input at incredulous speeds. Hunt had found her to be an invaluable asset in matters both of the machine and the problematic. Yet, she was not the most solitary of his retinue. That fell to Enzara, the penitent psyker bound to his service. She was showing her age, having served with Hunt since his first mission as an Inquisitor when he had judged her redeemable amongst the ashes of a heretic coven. She had been only a child then and because of the horrors she witnessed so young she has the tendency to unnerve people for her manner as well as her mental mutation.

Next to him hovered his ever-present servo-skull. It was an exemplary example of such a construct, with its once bone-surface having long since been coated with kinetic-resistant plating. He'd seen it shrug off a bolt round once and still be functional after sustaining critical damage. Its artificial eyes were an array of pict-recording devices and optic clusters with cyclic views including infra-red amongst others. In place of a jaw it had a small laser weapon.

Almost as omnipresent as the servo-skull was Interrogator Cirrus who stood loyally behind his mentor. Cirrus was a tenacious warrior and persecuted the traitorous with a great deal of vigour. Hunt admired the much younger man's desire to bring the Emperor's justice to those who would violate the sacred laws of his realm or dare to betray it. Yet his aggressive nature was a cause of concern for Inquisitor Hunt; it made the Interrogator ferocious and daunting however it often clouded his judgement in combat. Despite this, his apprentice showed great promise and perhaps in a few more decades his impatience and fury would be tempered by experience. Only then would Hunt even consider the idea of elevating him to the status of full Inquisitor.

"I look forward to plunging my blade through the traitor's chest," Cirrus remarked, clenching a fist in the air to accentuate his words.
Hunt turned to face his acolyte with a scornful expression. "Were it so simple then there would be no need for men like us. A simple soldier can kill his enemy, Cirrus. Men like us are needed to combat those who will not simply die to a mere blade - those who have turned their back on the light of the Emperor. Make no mistake, though he has lost his faith, the man we are after serves the ruinous powers which grant him arcane knowledge and has been careful to ensure his longevity for centuries. We are not the first to attempt to bring him to justice. The last who pursued him made the mistake of trying to capture him and paid with their lives. He shall not be easy to destroy."
"But we will destroy him," Cirrus promised.

------

Malathras shook his head slowly and a low, harsh chuckle that had an artificial edge to it through the sorcerer's vox in his helm filled the otherwise silent room. There was an explosion somewhere miles below on the outside and the shock-wave was felt as the slightest vibration inside the great chamber.
"Inquisitor," Malathras said, "You greatly underestimate my abilities." No sooner had he spoken a psychic blast erupted from his force staff, however almost as quickly Xedosesonon had thrown up his own psychic shield around the trio. The sorcerer's blast dissipated against the warp shield and Titus felt a shiver run down his back as the exposure to psychic powers lowered the temperature of the room. The others hardly noticed it, yet for him this was his first experience of psychic energies and it shook him to his soul.
"You will have to do far better than that, Malathras," Solistilius remarked. The sorcerer sneered and summoned greater depths of power and held out his staff. Ether lightning coruscated around its head, which was a leering demonic face, and a bolt of raw psychic rage shot forth. The Demon Host's shield was broken under the onslaught and vanished. The bolt struck the Demon Host which dropped backwards without so much as a sound. Titus' eyes widened and he raised his stolen boltgun. Clamping his index figure around the trigger the weapon kicked furiously yet he wrestled it under control with his formidable strength. The former soldier was unused to such a powerful weapon, yet with his own skill at arms at this range it was nearly impossible to miss. Shell after shell should have hit the sorcerer, yet Malathras was protected by more than armour. He maintained his own warp-sustained protection and the bolter rounds seemed to evaporate mere inches from him.

Malathras raised his free hand and a rapid secession of purple bolts shot forth, forcing the pair to run for cover. Where the sorcerer's attack impacted - the walls, tables, the floor - the material was eaten away, consumed by raw warp energy. Xedosesonon rose, the great tear rent in the middle of his body already repairing itself as it stood again. Flames burst from its eyes and sent warp fire towards the sorcerer and the deadly attack burnt through the ethereal barriers and scorched ceramite plating. Given the chance it would have soon melted away the sorcerer's power armour, had he not sent another psychic blast with a contemptuous wave of his staff which knocked the Demon Host back and crashing into the wall where it left a crater in the thick ferrocrete. A normal man's body would have been splintered under the impact, but what had once been Hastus Zuriel was now far more durable. Xedosesonon's flesh was battered and bloody, yet bones snapped back into place and it tried to replenish itself, yet its reserves of rejuvenating power were waning.

-----

The Vendetta gunship Skyhammer was Inquisitor Hunt's choice of airborne transport. Its reinforced armour-plating was midnight black and bore the symbol of the Inquisition on all facings. It soared through the air over the Imperial Guard regiments and their tanks far below. The void shield protecting the city had fallen and they were seizing the initiative. Dozens of attack wings flew alongside the Skyhammer. As the assault group shot through the great rents in the void shield they fired away with missile salvoes and bright beams of energy from Multilasers and Lascannons which scored dozens of infantry and vehicle kills in minutes. The Valkyries and Vendettas carrying elite drop troops hovered as their human cargo rapelled to the ground or onto key buildings to establish a beachhead within the city. As the drop troops and their transports spread through the drop zone in a shock assault to carve out a perimeter, the Inquisitorial Vendetta broke off from the main attack, accompanied by four Lightning strike craft escorts. Their flight took them ever further and higher into the Hive city, for their destination was the epicentre. However Hydra flak tanks and anti-air batteries quickly drew a bead on the audacious strike force. The sky was filled with hundreds of rounds of tracer fire and the pilots of the aircraft struggled to avoid the sheer amount of munitions being shot at them. However they were hand-picked veterans of hundreds of low-atmosphere battles with additional bio-neural interfaces allowing them to better control their craft - technology afforded to them by the Inquisition.

They let loose with missiles and lascannon beams which annihilated a dozen anti-air emplacements during their ascent over Hive Primus. It would make the job of getting back much easier if they had to put an emergency escape into effect. With parts of the void shield still flickering high above them it wouldn't be as simple as flying up and outwards. Unless they were successful in their mission and could also deactivate the void shield entirely, the only way back to safety would be the way they came. They neared their destination; the main spire, which loomed six miles into the sky. From well-hidden hangars concealed as delivery bays - something they may well have been in times passed - two aircraft sped towards the Imperial wing on an intercept course. Their speed defied logistics and within seconds they had pounced upon the escort group. The first two Lightning's were consumed by warp flame which spurted from frontal weapons mounted on the Doom Wings. They could not hope to outrun the chaos fighters, so the two remaining Lightning's broke off and engaged them in a dogfight. They'd sell their lives dearly and without regret if it meant that the Inquisitor would arrive safely to complete his mission, having had thoughts of fear and self-preservation psycho-indoctrinated out of them many years prior. Dying in the service of the Inquisition meant that their names and deeds would never be commemorated, yet that did not matter. They would die doing their duty with supreme excellence until the very end.

Skyhammer tore through the skies towards its destination. Ancient servitor-manned turrets on the private landing pad hissed and turned to destroy this approaching threat, yet before they could even let loose one shot the trio of twin-linked lascannons on the Vendetta gunship blew them apart in fiery explosions, sending wreckage plummeting thousands of metres downwards. It hovered over the landing pad as dozens of chaos soldiers filed onto the platform, firing lasguns and other assorted small arms at the gunship. Even as the chaos soldiers began loading tube-missiles, Skyhammer rotated in mid-air and the armoured side door slid open on hydraulics to reveal a figure behind a tripod-mounted heavy bolter.

Inquisitor Hunt's visor view quickly picked out each hostile, assessing threat levels and marking them out for extermination categorically. Jerethia's own enhancements increased the speed and accuracy of these calculations via her link to the Inquisitor's HUD. She also calculated optimal firing patterns and included variables such as enemy response time, the extreme altitudes and potential for error - slim though it was with Hunt wielding the weapon. All this tactical information was assimilated into Hunt's brain through a neural implant in less than a second. His power armour enhanced his strength such as to compensate for all the recoil of the huge bolter and without a single hesitation he pulled down on the trigger. He moved the weapon, which barked like a hundred-strong bull-grox stampede, over the enemy platoon and after fifteen seconds he had used over a hundred rounds and nothing remained alive on the landing pad.

Skyhammer touched down for scant moments as Inquisitor Hunt and his retinue disembarked. They stepped over the slaughtered soldiers of chaos and hastily entered the main spire as their transport took off, not wishing to remain a static target. Inquisitor Hunt lead from the front with his inferno pistol held at the ready. Cirrus was at his right with his bolt pistol and power sword drawn whilst Nilus guarded his other flank. Sergeant Benedict and his storm troopers formed the rear. Castigator Rasel was uncharacteristically silent as he advanced next to Jerethia and Enzara. His Eviscerator was sheathed over his back in favour of his plasma pistol for the moment. The report of a bolt weapon echoed from behind them, hitting one of the stormtroopers. Fortunately he was saved by his carapace armour and the fact that the ill-maintained ammunition had failed to detonate. The retinue turned to face the threat: a chaos space marine who tried to fire again however his weapon jammed. A second later he dropped, full of holes, the ancient ceramite not able to withstand the fusillade of overcharged hellgun shots.

That was not the end as more traitor astartes were drawn by the sounds of weapons and they appeared at the end of the corridor, ancient boltguns roaring as they send shell after shell towards the intruders. The stormtroopers returned fire, taking cover in the crenelated ferrocrete walls. Sergeant Benedict raised his hellgun. He sighted a traitor in his scope and watched as his target ducked around the corner. When he next appeared, Benedict instantly placed two quick hot-shot's through his helmet. The traitor slumped down without a word. It reminded him of Palovieus when he'd shot a traitor astartes in the head. The chaos warrior hadn't even been wearing a helmet and despite a point-blank hit, Benedict had watched him proceed cut down a dozen Guardsmen afterwards before a plasma volley vaporized him from the waist upwards. Suffice to say it was a lesson well-learned. He smiled inwardly as he saw Rennard do the same with his hellpistol before retreating behind cover with a glance at the explosives he carried in his free hand. His men had learned well from him.

With a thought, Hunt switched to the internal vox channel. "Sergeant Benedict, time is of the essence. Your squad will form a rearguard, with the exception of Rennard. I require his demolition expertise. You are to hold this position with your lives - I do not wish to complete my mission and find myself cut off from behind."
"Aye my lord," Benedict replied with his gruff voice. "You have my word that no traitor shall get past me whilst I still draw breath."

Leaving the sergeant and the other three storm troopers under his command, Inquisitor Hunt lead the rest of his retinue further into the complex. They had landed one level below where he knew their intended target would be at this very moment - the governor's quarters. To call them such was a horrible understatement, for it was a veritable bunker at the top of a tower. It would take considerably powerful explosives to gain entry. Fortunately, Triplex Ultima pattern melta charges were precisely what they needed and they had them by the dozen. Even the rarest of equipment was a simple matter to acquire for an Inquisitor of his standing.

They advanced down a corridor which lead to an antechamber. The less combat-orientated members of the retinue took cover whilst the rest assembled in a standard door-breaching formation as Rennard placed a circular krak-charge between the two doors, which were most likely several inches of thick plasteel. There was a tense three seconds as the krak charge beeped a warning before detonating, blowing a large, jagged circle in the door. Rennard chucked a stun grenade through the opening and it had barely gone off before Cirrus rushed through before any one else could make a move and bolt shots resounded from within. Hunt cursed his acolyte's impetuousness and hurried in after. He found the interrogator reloading his bolt pistol having killed six sentries - chaos soldiers - who had all been blinded. However an imposing chaos space marine revealed itself from where it had been waiting in an obscured corner. It was unperturbed by the stun grenade due to its genhanced senses and swung a vicious chain axe at the acolyte who could not parry in time. The serrated teeth ate through the bonded ceramite and armaplas of Cirrus' carapace armour. He fell back with a scream as blood leaked from his chest.

Inquisitor Hunt wasted no time in aiming his inferno pistol at the chaos astartes and reducing him to molten slag in a matter of seconds, the flames playing over the charred remains for awhile after. He turned to his acolyte and found he had survived. It seemed the Emperor had smiled despite the interrogator's foolishness and the wound was not critical. He let Cirrus apply synthskin to the torn flesh with a grunt of pain before he pulled him up by the throat. In his power-armoured grip, Cirrus weighed almost nothing. He struggled in surprise, his feet desperately searching for ground which they would never reach.

"You fool!" Hunt scorned. "I have put too much time into your training for you to cast your life away so recklessly. By the Emperor's grace you survived that attack. Do not waste His benevolent mercy, for no man is so charmed as to be granted two second chances for their own idiocy."
He dropped Cirrus who gasped for breath and spluttered momentarily, despondent and angry at his master's disappointment in him. He'd prove himself to his mentor and make up for it, he swore it under his breath, though he was no less upset over the incident as he shakily got to his feet. The acolyte watched the rest of the retinue pass him by; each of their disapproving expressions wounding him more than the chainaxe had.

-----

Solistilius returned fire with his needle pistol, hitting Malathras in the leg. The sorcerer ignored the wound, for although the toxins were capable of felling even the monstrosity that is an astartes, he was sustained by warp essence which could allow him to survive damage that would kill any normal astartes many times over. Malathras produced another doom bolt which glanced him in the flank and he toppled, gritting his teeth. Titus emptied the rest of the boltgun's magazine towards the sorcerer and Malathras simply laughed, though he grew impatient in the continued struggle.
"Come Inquisitor," he beckoned, "This shall not be resolved by sorcery and guns. Face me as a warrior," Malathras challenged, drawing the demon sword from his side. As it left the sheath which was imprinted with sigils of restraint that kept the entity bound within the blade in check, the demon howled at its freedom, though it was a sound heard only to its wielder. The blade was pure blackness and yet it did not even have a reflection. It was a dark blade; a deadly weapon that could cleave even the dense skull of a Carnifex in half.

Solistilius was sceptical as to whether this was genuine. He rose from his position of cover cautiously and to his surprise the sorcerer seemed genuine. He and his kind were often given in to treachery but it seemed Malathras had grown prideful and perhaps even arrogant in the past three centuries. They would be unlikely to defeat the sorcerer whilst he still used his powers and it was only a matter of time until his troops broke through the doors which they had sealed behind them with enchantments and warp seals. The three of them may be able to best the seemingly overconfident astartes in close combat, even though they faced a warrior armed with centuries of experience and a powerful weapon. A lesser man may regret even setting events in motion so that his present foe would possess such an advantage, however Solistilius was above doubt. His unshakable belief in his actions was what had got him this far, after so very long. He drew his cutlass and activated the power field. The blade began to shimmer with a faint luminescent azure sheen. Next to him, Titus unsheathed his greatsword and Xedosesonon morphed its body to have long talons protruding from the forearms, which glistened with warp energy.

They advanced on Malathras who adopted a defiant combat stance. There was a moment as the combatants gauged each other and then Solistilius pounced. He swung his blade but was parried with such force as to knock him off balance even as Titus swung low. The Sorcerer dodged and slammed his staff into Xedosesonon, repulsing him. They continued fighting, swords clashing and none landing a telling blow. They had Malathras on the defensive however. The sorcerer was incredibly fast and his dark blade gave his blows great strength. He deflected Titus and Solistilius only to have Xadosesonon's warp enhanced strength hold his staff arm at bay even as he sent an arm into the sorcerer. It would have disembowelled him yet Malathras was faster still and narrowly parried, sending the arm-blade into the thick ceramite of his pauldron where it cut deep but left only a superficial wound. He knocked the Demon Host back but could not avoid Solistilius slicing out with his sword, cutting into his side in a glancing hit. Titus brought his sword around to decapitate the astartes who stood over a foot and a half taller. Malathras took the blow on his helmet, chipping it. In response he smashed the head of his staff into the man and he crumpled down, blood trickling from a fracture on his skull. With a lunge, Xedosesonon swept his arm-blades through the staff, slicing the force weapon in half. Malathras discarded it and swept his dark blade down through the demon host's shoulder blade and midway through his body before withdrawing it to deflect Solistilius' blade once more as the Host slumped to the floor.

"You are finished," Malathras observed. "Your servants lie dying around you and alone you have no hope. I thank you for this weapon, it is of the highest calibre for such an artefact is not easily obtained. Few men can claim to have caused their own demise three-hundred years in the making, Solistilius. Perhaps you can take some meagre pride with you to oblivion."
"You are wrong, sorcerer," Solistilius declared. "My end shall not come on this day."
"Truly it is a delusional mind which cannot accept its own death when facing it," Malathras commented. "Come then, Inquisitor, we shall see if you can defy the inevitable." No sooner had Malathras spoken than the great doors to the chamber exploded violently and they were thrown to the floor.

-----

Inquisitor Hunt had been furious with his acolyte and he would most certainly discipline him after the mission was completed. For now he pushed it from his mind and focused on the task at hand. They had ascended to the governor's quarters, the highest part of the main spire except for the void shield emitter and its vast power array. All that stood between them and their target were these doors. Fully reinforced ceramite and adamantium, several metres thick. These blast doors were thicker than the side of a Land Raider. They had fought their way through several chaos space marines and two dozen chaos soldiers who had also seemingly been trying to break through. Indeed, there had been dead traitors along their path before the Inquisitor and his retinue had begun killing them. They had dispatched their foes with typical remorseless fury and such was the skill of his entourage that none had suffered anything more serious than a flesh wound. Rennard had immediately started affixing the melta charges as the rest of the retinue stood vigilantly watching for any traitors who had survived their assault.

Enzara approached him. "My lord, this entry is sealed by forces greater than adamantium," she murmured, her characteristic tone was void of any emotion.
"Witchcraft?" He inquired. She nodded slowly. "Undo it and be swift about it," he ordered. Rennard stepped aside as the slender psyker stepped forward. He was used to her presence but did not enjoy it all the same. He backed away from her, detonator in hand. He was even tempted for a moment to activate the explosives and destroy the despicable witch. Still, she was useful, if she were not then her presence would not be validated. She placed her hands on the doors and murmured words that no one could quite make out. A halo of light danced over her body and she channelled it through her hands into the door. There was a sound like an electrical discharge and then she stepped away, the light fading. She sighed deeply and turned away from the door, looking incredibly haggard.
"The enchantments were strong," she rasped, exhaustion plain in her voice. It had drained her to remove them so hurriedly. The retinue quickly got to a safe distance before Rennard blew the charges. The sound was comparable to being at ground level when a Warlord Titan took a step. The combatant members of the retinue surged forward into the breach, massing into the incredibly expansive chamber which appeared to have been converted into both a throne room and a study, sporting more foul iconography and blasphemous items than Hunt had ever seen collected in one place. It was a museum of unholy contents. He knew some Inquisitors who would relish the chance to study such tools of the Great Enemy, but not him, for to do so was to invite madness and corruption. The smoke cleared and they saw several figures at the other end of the room. One was easily identifiable as their quarry: the dread sorcerer Jaegan Malathras. The blood of billions of innocents and nearly half a space marine battle company were on his hands and he would pay dearly. On top of that, killing an Inquisitor was high treason, something which had happened one hundred and fifty years before. Inquisitor Hunt would take no such chance and he pulled a grenade from his belt. It was a special, rare piece of equipment - a psyk-out grenade - and he pulled the pin, throwing it towards the sorcerer who was rising from where had been knocked down by the shock wave. It detonated next to him and the shards of anti-psychic properties embedded themselves in him and he collapsed to his knees in a daze.


-----


Titus was truly surprised by the explosion. His mind raced and all he could hear was ringing. He clutched the side of his head and winced. His sword had fallen from his hand and he could barely make anything out. His hands quested for it, hoping to have a means to defend himself. Then his fingers felt the handle and clusped his fingers around it. His head pounded and his conscience screamed at him, willed him to get up - get up and survive! With a groan he forced himself to his feet. The chamber was clouded with dust but he could just barely make out figures advancing through it towards them. He blinked and turned to seek out the Inquisitor, wondering if he had made a mistake in ever following him. On the other hand, if he had not, then he would have died, though it seemed that was about to happen anyway.

Solistilius stood. There was a cohort of newcomers entering through the dust as it settled and he knew an Inquisitor when he saw one. They were outnumbered and his two warriors had suffered serious injury. It was prudent that they hastily escape. The Demon Host was struggling to get up. It was down on a single knee and its body seemed to have been nearly cut in half through one shoulder to guts. If the creature which he had summoned failed him now then he would curse its name for all eternity. As if in response to his thoughts it forced itself up, silent as if oblivious to the pain. Of course, Xedosesonon was a powerful creature and no physical injury caused it suffering. But the Host body had its limits and was only held together through warp energy at this point.

He looked around, searching for something. He would be surprised if this hive had not been installed with an emergency escape for the governor. His eyes were deep black pools of darkness and yet there was a reason behind this mutation. For the first time since arriving on the planet he blinked and when he reopened his eyes, the world was bathed in unnatural light. Time seemed to slow as he regarded the world in an entirely different way. He saw what was not obvious to the naked eye. He saw echoes of the past, like misty ghosts of times long since forgotten. He watched as the time echoes of a man wearing the trappings of a noble lord - possibly the first governor of this hive millennia ago - as he was lead hurriedly by orderlies towards a wall. They smashed a hollow panel which revealed a control panel. He watched, focusing on the governor's hand movements as he input the four-digit code. When the dead governor had finished, he and his entourage stepped through into the wall, disappearing entirely.

Solistilius blinked once more and he was thrown back into real-time. His vision returned to normal and he ran towards the secret panel, Xedosesonon and Titus following behind with effort. A few shots flew past them from behind but they did not pause to try and fight back. Solistilius input the code sequence and the wall hissed on ancient hydraulics as it lowered away into the floor, revealing an elevator. Ancient lumo-globes flickered into life as the trio stepped on. The elevator's servitor was little more than a skeleton covered in bionics, however it registered life forms and began the ascent with crooked movements as it worked the controls. The last thing Solistilius saw before the throne chamber disappeared from view entirely was the Inquisitor and his retinue surrounding Malathras.


-----


Inquisitor Hunt unbuckled the Null Rod from his side and activated it. Enzara had remained outside due to the anti-warp field the obsidian rod projected due to the great discomfort being in its presence would cause her. Rennard had remained with her as it would not bode well to allow her to be killed should Benedict fail and enemy reinforcements arrive. The other figures that had been in the room ran at the sight of them, leaving their master where he had fallen to the psyk-out grenade. Castegator Rastel saw it unfit to allow the other heathens to escape and he raised his plasma pistol, rapid-firing several shots but the distance was too great and the battle-priest was not an excellent shot. The other heretics would be rounded up and perish once the city was back under Imperial control anyway, and their quarry was the priority.

Malathras seemed vaguely aware of what was happening and sluggishly pulled a bolt pistol from a holster on his side. Cirrus swung his power sword and cut the arm off at the elbow before plunging his blade through the sorcerer's heart on the reverse thrust. He twisted the blade before wrenching it free with a grunt of exertion. The traitor was not finished however and knelt with his head lowered, blood dripping from the stump of his shortened limb.

Inquisitor Hunt reached down and took hold of one of the twisting horns that had grown out of the sorcerer's helmet. With ease he pulled it free from the armour, revealing the sorcerer's head for all to see. His features were hard and gaunt, with one side of his face a patchwork of old scar tissue from a burn wound.
"Jaegan Malathras, former Codicier of the Dark Sons chapter of Adeptus Astartes, you are hereby charged with committing genocide, high treason, practising sorcery, aligning with the Great Enemy, the destruction of three Hive cities, the betrayal of your own chapter - killing forty-seven Dark Sons - and the murder of one Inquisitor Ixos," Inquisitor Hunt recited, having memorised each of the sorcerer's crimes years ago. He could continue for hours, going into detail about his crimes. But there was no point. "I hereby find you guilty and sentence you to death," he declared.

Malathras looked up, his features contorted in pain as he tried to draw on his psychic abilities to save himself and kill the man in front of him. Malathras looked the Inquisitor in the eye and leered. There was a pause, then Inquisitor Hunt raised his inferno pistol and pulled the trigger. Jaegan Malathras screamed in agony as he burned.
"Such is the fate of all heretics."

Dakka Fiction » Aboard the Razor Descent » Go to message
I've seen several threads now with these characters, Castra.. I'd advise you create one "big" thread to put all of it in one place. Link all the threads together in chronological order and just post everything to do with them together because it's a single setting. You'd probably get a greater response that way and it'd mean there's less threads jostling for views on the first page.
Dakka Fiction » A fluff atrocity. » Go to message
This is a heretical abomination.

But I can suspend disbelief because of its originality, even if it is every 40k fluff taboo being glued into one writhing mass of suffering.

Plus it's written well enough that I'm intrigued as to the outcome.

The idea of a "better Imperium" is quite good, if one embraces the idea rather than immediately thinking that it's unacceptable under normal 40k standards.
Dakka Fiction » An Inquisitor's Memoir » Go to message
Excellent story so far, I was enjoying the noire mystery investigation so when the plot was largely explained it was somewhat disappointing. Yet that aspect still serves as to show Rasmussen's reluctance to become involved in large scale events and how he's almost become "stuck" doing small-time investigations. It's almost like for him it's less about winning the race and more the run which concerns him, if you get my analogy.

Nonetheless I greatly anticipate the next instalment.
Dakka Fiction » Dark Inquisition - Part 4 is up! Critique and comments appreciated » Go to message
 Fezman wrote:
Creepy stuff.

It reminds me of one of those occasional short stories you find in a rulebook or Codex that gives you a glimpse of something happening with the sense of a bigger picture behind it all. I find myself hoping Solistilius will eventually meet his downfall, but I also have a feeling he won't. And of course the fact I actually find myself thinking about the future of the character shows you can draw characters well!


"Creepy" is a new one for me.

I appreciate your observations and opinion, and as for whether Solistilius will meet an untimely demise.. well, the winds of the warp are fickle and who can truly say what will happen to him and his entourage?

I'm glad you consider it similar to those codex stories, particularly the ones from the 3rd-4th edition codex books were a lot like that. It's a habit of mine, having to always have sub-plots and secrets within my writing.. not always for the best. But it suits my chaotic Inquisitor quite well.

Thanks for reading, more will follow hopefully at some point over the next few days.
Dakka Fiction » The Hunted » Go to message
 Fezman wrote:
Thanks for the comment! You've got me bang to rights - unfortunately those two did end up as redshirts. A side-effect of me just making it up as I went along. I started off with the idea of a scene with them bursting into a flat and clearing the baddies out, and sort of wrote around that.

This story's actually run out of steam a bit, as I'm concentrating on an Inquisitor-themed story right now (link in my sig). Now if you get time to read that I'd like to know what you think...


I've actually read part of your Inquisitor story, but refrained from commenting until I'd read it all.

I'll get it all read and post some feedback after some revision. Perhaps you'd be so gracious as to give my own Inquisitorial story a read?

As for this story.. I'd suggest a small post with a scout captain leading a small relief force digging them out of trouble and assisting them in their new mission. Gives you more characters to play around with and I've always been interested in the idea of a captain and command squad leaving the banners at home, donning light armour (perhaps segmented power armour with sound dampeners?) and going behind enemy lines. Instead of leading from the vanguard and perform all the heroics, the deeds done in the shadows may yet prove more pivotal..
Dakka Fiction » The Hunted » Go to message
Very enjoyable, I'll be following this story. My only criticism is that it was very obvious that those two other scouts only served to die in the plot. It would have been a much more telling moment if they had been allowed character development and significance within the story before their demise. Other than that, good piece of writing.
Dakka Fiction » Tomb World » Go to message
An ambitious Necron lord.. It will be interesting to see whether he conquers the other Tomb World successfully.
Dakka Fiction » Imotehk The Storm Lord Fan Fict » Go to message
I enjoyed this although the battle was incredibly easy and the idea that the fate of a world would be decided in one fight is ridiculous. Plus the Inquisitor must have been the most ignorant one in the galaxy to be unaware of what the Necrons are and to simply commit suicide like that seemed incredibly unnecessary. Although I really liked Imotekh at first thinking he had similarities to a Necron and then the comment about cowardice was excellent.

Things I'd enjoy seeing in the future:

Imotekh being challenged by rivals within his own Dynasty or another Dynasty (honour combat for leadership or a civil war).

Imotekh facing a foe that has an actual advantage and he has to rely on his subtler tactics of terror and cunning rather than just his superior technology and vast resources.

Perhaps Imotekh must face the orks who are said to confound his logic and he finds it extremely difficult to predict them and thus struggles to combat them efficiently. Would be interesting to see how he dealt with a full scale Waaaagh! invading one of his systems and whether he would be capable of becoming vexed and stressed over their unpredictable ways.

The flashback was good but again it sort of detracted from his character.. I'd suggest future flashbacks have a far darker and morbid theme, such as the war in heaven or the horror at his race's new form (when they became Necrons).
Dakka Fiction » Fear of a Shadow... » Go to message
 Castra Tanagra wrote:
Thank you, it feels good to finally have more than one person giving feedback.

Its hard to improve when no-one comments, I've given up putting "please comment" at the end of every post, it feels too much like begging...


I understand what you mean, people are annoyingly reluctant to comment on fiction these days and it os a simple thing. It takes very little effort to simply write a sentence saying if you liked it or not at the least.

I'll be keeping an eye on this story and commenting when I can.
 
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