I love this one and always have. The tv episode is one of my favorites as well, so this was a win-win for me.
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After several untimely deaths suI love this one and always have. The tv episode is one of my favorites as well, so this was a win-win for me.
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After several untimely deaths surrounding an archaeological dig site prompt a frantic mother to call in Poirot, he and Hastings race against the clock to unravel the mystery. Is there really an ancient Egyptian curse or is something far more corporeal to blame?
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The pseudo-spooky mummy vibe makes this a classic Christie short. But I love the fact that she also managed to work leprosy and a will written on a napkin into the story!
This version was read by Charles Armstrong, who did a decent job. I still prefer Hugh Fraser or David Suchet to read my Poirot books, though....more
Hasting gets to take off the training wheels! Sort of.
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A man contacts Poirot asking for his help in solving the murder of his elderly uncle, but Hasting gets to take off the training wheels! Sort of.
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A man contacts Poirot asking for his help in solving the murder of his elderly uncle, but Hercule (still recovering from the flu) sends Hastings in as his proxy. As you can imagine, Hastings gets it all wrong and Poirot ends up solving the case from his comfy chair.
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This is one of those cases where justice isn't meted out by an earthly judicial system. Even someone as clever as Poirot has to deal in evidence. Karma, however? Well, that's a whole different story.
This isn't a stand-alone story, it's a continuation of Morrison's Klaus story. Which is a badass retelling of the origin of Santa Claus.
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This? NThis isn't a stand-alone story, it's a continuation of Morrison's Klaus story. Which is a badass retelling of the origin of Santa Claus.
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This? Not as badass. It's kind of a mess, with a lot of stuff about Klaus being missing for years and years. He's been fighting a war on the moon. <--what? And then Geppetto (yes, Pinocchio's Geppetto) just pops up. Hey, Geppetto! Remember all that backstory we have together? No? Doesn't matter, we're just going to plow on with the story anyway.
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Anyway. The Winter Witch kidnaps two random kids to lure Klaus out to her lair. Because she has the power to know everything, she knows he's coming back from the moon but apparently doesn't know he's gonna kick her ass into springtime. Anyway, she does this so she can make him her immortal wood-whittling servant. <--what?
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It doesn't matter. Everything works out and Christmas is saved. I'm not sure if it's worth tracking the rest of these down or not. I loved the original, but if the rest of these are as stupid and slapped together as this one plot-wise, I think I'll wait till next Christmas to read them....more
Something is still killing all these goddamn children!
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Which means our creepy-eyed little monster hunter is going to need to up her game and (pSomething is still killing all these goddamn children!
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Which means our creepy-eyed little monster hunter is going to need to up her game and (probably) toss a kid or two out as bait to lure whatever remains in the woods into a trap. Preferably one that involves Erica and a chainsaw. I'm sure the kids will come out of it just fiiine...
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Ok. So the cool thing about this volume is that you find out more about this mysterious monster-killing organization that Eric Slaughter belongs to, and apparently, they're a whole lotta shady. More concerned with keeping the existence of monsters a secret than they are with the well being of your average Joe Schmo, they don't mind getting a little bit of (human) blood on their hands if it will ensure silence. You also find out how (ish) Erica came to be a part of their organization and that she's somewhat of an outlier and rebel.
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The story is definitely getting more interesting as it goes and that's saying something because I was already really fucking interested. Highly Recommended!...more
Merry Christmas and behold the true story of Santa! *cough*...as told by Grant Morrison.<--Ho, ho, ho, bitches
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I was expecting something absolutMerry Christmas and behold the true story of Santa! *cough*...as told by Grant Morrison.<--Ho, ho, ho, bitches
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I was expecting something absolutely off the wall when I read this because, well, it's Grant Morrison retelling the origin of Santa. But this was actually pretty normal. I mean, sure it's a barbarian fantasy thing with Klaus (Santa) fighting evil and magically making toys to combat the unhappiness caused by a demon-controlled king. BUT. It was a coherent story. <--did not expect that from Morrison. This is wacky at its best.
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Also, I didn't realize that there were more (one-shot) stories that add to the mythos of this character and his universe. I'm on a Christmas mission to track them all down and check them out.
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I don't usually read Christmas stories. Most of the time they're a bit too sappy for me and just not what I'm looking for in my reading material. But if there is such a thing as a holiday genre that I would be interested in, then this is it. If this sounds like something you might be interested in, then I'd definitely encourage you to give it a try. Badass Santa is the best Santa. Happy Holidays, Goodreads....more
A young woman inherits an ancient sword that has magical properties in a spoilery way, then has to go on the run Hey this was a nice surprise!
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A young woman inherits an ancient sword that has magical properties in a spoilery way, then has to go on the run from a shady government agency and a trio of terrifying gods. There's more. Lots more. But this is one of those stories that you should read for yourself.
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Storywise, I don't have any complaints. Now the art? Ok, so this sort of slick plastic look worked well for me in Alex + Ada, Vol. 1, which if you don't already know is kind of a sci-fi love story. But in this setting it just looked really generic. It is what it is, though.
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At any rate, I'm looking forward to the next volume....more
Free here! I love these shorts that Ilona Andrews tosses out to fans for free. How do these guys do this to me? I wasn't really salivating to find out mFree here! I love these shorts that Ilona Andrews tosses out to fans for free. How do these guys do this to me? I wasn't really salivating to find out more about Dina's parents, but now they're #1 on my list! GIVE ME MORE!
George & Jack are two of my favorite characters from this series and I'm seriously hoping they each get their own book someday. Maybe in the InnkeeperGeorge & Jack are two of my favorite characters from this series and I'm seriously hoping they each get their own book someday. Maybe in the Innkeeper Chronicles since they've popped up there a few times?
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Anyway. This is a short freebie from the authors' website for fans who want just a teeny bit more of these guys. READ HERE...more
Arr, me matey! I've finally downed the children's classic, Treasure Island. Sadly, these pirates weren't nearly as sexy as I was expecting. Where were aArr, me matey! I've finally downed the children's classic, Treasure Island. Sadly, these pirates weren't nearly as sexy as I was expecting. Where were all the sweaty pirate abs I've come to expect from the plethora of trashy romance novels I've gobbled down over the years? Not here, that's for damn sure.
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And mainly because of the overabundance of bodice rippers on my bookshelf, I felt like I maybe needed to expand my maritime horizons, and it seemed that going with a classic sailor story wouldn't be a bad way to accomplish that goal.
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Unsurprisingly, this is a pretty boring book by today's standards. And if this was what they gave kids to read back in the day, I'm no longer shocked that people found long walks and/or journaling about said long walks a valid form of entertainment.
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When I'm done churning this butter, should I whittle for a bit before we have a family sing-a-long around the fire?
Going to be totally honest, I don't understand the yearning for a simpler lifestyle, as this scenario sounds like my own personal version of Hell.
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Alright! Treasure Island by Robert Louis Stevenson and why you should read it. It's short! <--not as much of a time suck as Count of Monte Cristo It's a classic! <-- therefore, you will sound classy It's got pirates! <--remember: dirty rum-bloated pirates, not shirtless Fabio pirates You can learn new drinking songs! <--Yo ho ho and a bottle of Zima, bitches
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That all sounds great. But what is Treasure Island about, Anne? The gist is that our young hero, Jim Hawkins, has the shittiest luck ever. His dad dies and leaves a tweenage Jim and his mother with a ramshackle inn to run, complete with a scary drunken sailor (Billy Bones) who's not too keen on paying his tab as a tenant. He's what the kids these days call a scallywag.
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Why does it matter that Bones is continually dodging rent? Well, after Billy Bob meets his maker with the help of a few of his old sailing pals, Jim and his mother have to rifle through his things to get payment. AND JIM FINDS A MAP. <--to a place called Treasure Island *choir vocalizes*
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Back in the day, if you found a map it was apparently adventure time. You and your neighbors would rent a ship, hire a sketchy crew, and set out for parts unknown full of high hopes that you'd be coming back with gold doubloons! The reality is that you'd be lucky to come back alive without scurvy or syphilis. And dark thoughts like that are why I would have made a terrible pirate-adventurer...
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The adults (of course) make some really bad decisions when it comes to securing an efficient crew. They have a competent captain, but instead of listening to him, they hire a fairly obvious villain as the cook and then proceed to take his advice over the captain's. This ensures they have quite a surly group of sailors to man the SS Mutiny. Who is this cook? Long John Silver. <--yes, exactly like the sub-par seafood restaurant! When your cook's name is synonymous with chewy shrimp poppers and diarrhea, you might want to rethink your hiring process.
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Luckily for all the grown-ups, Jim is a brave and hearty lad who manages to save the day! <--not really Ok, so this was written back when it was a big deal to keep your word. Like, if you promised your kidnappers that you wouldn't try to run for it, then you couldn't try to run for it because that would make you a liar. Which, for some unfathomable reason, was worth more than your life. SWEAR TO GOD, THESE OLD-TIMEY PEOPLE WERE RIDICULOUS.
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Naturally, there comes a point in the story where Jim needed to hop a fence and get the hell out of there, but wouldn't - because INTEGRITY. And I suppose we're meant to think he's a better person for it, but all I could think was that maybe Stevenson based his story around a child with special needs. Except, no. Because the doctor agreed with Jim, so apparently in the days of yore, the good guys couldn't just win, they had to win by a set of idiotic rules. Which is nuts! What are you teaching our kids, Robert!?
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Looking someone dead in the eyes whilst giving a firm handshake and lying through your teeth is a fucking lifeskill that every child needs to have perfected by adulthood in order to survive.
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But whatever. This is a fantasy, so it all works out for our heroes. They return home with their honor intact, a good bit of wealth, no STDs, and only a little bit of PTSD that kicks in whenever they hear a parrot squawk.
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Read it. As far as classics go, you could do a lot worse than this one.
Have you ever wondered how the Eternal Warrior keeps coming back to life time after time? Probably not. But just in case you have, volume one of VendittHave you ever wondered how the Eternal Warrior keeps coming back to life time after time? Probably not. But just in case you have, volume one of Venditti's story does a good job keeping it interesting.
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I honestly wasn't expecting to think much of this one. It was a freebie from Hoopla, and I figured it couldn't hurt to take a peek, even though I'm not at very familiar with much of the Eternal Warrior lore. <--you don't need to know much of anything other than he exists in this universe
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The ending had a nice twist and now I'm pretty curious to see how this all plays out....more
Cunny. I've not heard that one used a lot to describe my lady parts. And it was hard for me not to giggle every time he referred to her vag as a cunny.Cunny. I've not heard that one used a lot to describe my lady parts. And it was hard for me not to giggle every time he referred to her vag as a cunny. I know! I know! Stop being so immature, Anne. I can't. I sincerely wish I could, but if it hasn't happened in 45 years, it probably isn't going to happen at all, and you should really stop pestering me to grow up. Sheesh.
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Anyway. The gist is that Messalina gets forcibly taken back to her awful uncle's home by his scary henchman, Gideon. Why? Well, it appears that her uncle has promised her hand in marriage to Gideon. Why? Because Gideon has promised to do one last favor for her uncle in return for her and her dowry. <--he secretly has been crushing on Messalina for a long time. What does he have to do? Nothing much, just kill her brother. In his defense, he didn't know that's what the old bastard was going to ask him to do. Still.
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Now, I'm not saying that there aren't times I wouldn't have happily shanked one of my in-laws, but I've always managed to stay my hand because I'm pretty sure my husband wouldn't appreciate me taking out his family.
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So. Regardless of how much pent-up anger I have acquired over 20 years, I think it would be a bad idea to stab his overbearing sister and leave her bleeding out in an alley.
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Anyway. What sets this romance novel apart from all of the others I've read over the years? What do I remember most about the story? Oddly enough, it's that the hero is cheap. You don't see that much in romance novels. Probably because nobody likes a cheap man. But in this case, it's because he doesn't understand (due to his poor upbringing) why it is important to the upper class to have silly frivolous things that cost a small fortune. It's almost charming. Almost. And if I can give any advice to men who happen to stumble across this review it would be that no woman worth her salt is going to put up with anything less than your best. You don't need to go into debt to win her heart, but dumpster diving is not an acceptable 1st date.
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How do they work their problems out? Well, Gideon finds a good deal on Groupon for a couples spa date and they work all their problems out while getting a subpar massage. Or something like that. Hoyt's version is much better (and well-written) than mine. Recommended for fans of angsty romances with damaged heroes....more
I like Duncan, don't get me wrong. But Bridgette is a BOSS. She saves the day again and again with no-nonsense & zero tolerFuck yeah, Grandma!
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I like Duncan, don't get me wrong. But Bridgette is a BOSS. She saves the day again and again with no-nonsense & zero tolerance for any bullshit. I feel for her, I really do. Duncan is so idealistic and determined to do the right thing, but Bridgette has been there, done that, and knows that you have to break a few eggs to make the damn omelet.
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This time around they're fighting a new story. Well, they're actually fighting one of the oldest stories - Beowulf. Which means they'll also have to go up against Beowulf's monsters, Grindel and his dear mother. Ye olde helicopter parent...
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*dramatic pause* Ok, ok. But the best part of the story is the bloodbath at Bridgette's retirement home when she takes a chainsaw to some bitches and goes all vvvvvvvvrrrrrrr!!!!
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Anyway, as they find new ways to defeat these monsters, they change the stories and maybe, more importantly, their role in the stories. I'm not even 100% sure what that means, but I know it means something.
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This is just a neat concept with cool characters, and if you haven't checked it out yet you really don't know what you're missing....more
So this is the end and it was kinda great and kinda sucky. <--for me
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I mean if the past volumes were any indication, these guys were going to haSo this is the end and it was kinda great and kinda sucky. <--for me
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I mean if the past volumes were any indication, these guys were going to have to sacrifice. But this was in a lot of ways a Happy Ending sacrifice for everyone. Except the one character who deserved to get a fucking happy ending. (view spoiler)[What the hell? Madam Dragonfly was the entire reason these idiots were alive to start with. All she wanted was to give them a good life and they spit in her face. And now? Now, she uses all of her powers to make them a near-perfect existence, and ends up with them inside of her while she turns into a real dragonfly? Why couldn't she get her gross little swamp man back? Or her baby? Ugh. It figures that the whiners are fine and the person who does the actual work gets screwed.
But there were still enough good moments to make this a pretty decent read. (hide spoiler)]...more
Age of Doom picks up immediately where Black Hammer left off and hits the ground running.
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Lucy Weber takes us on a tour of the universe/multiverAge of Doom picks up immediately where Black Hammer left off and hits the ground running.
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Lucy Weber takes us on a tour of the universe/multiverse and we see how everything is interconnected while she fights to make sense of what happened to her father and his friends.
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You know what? I'm actually enjoying this more than the first few volumes of Black Hammer. The story seems to really be going somewhere now!
The first two-thirds of the book was a bit on the dull side, but the conclusion was really good. If I had been reading instead of listening, I think I The first two-thirds of the book was a bit on the dull side, but the conclusion was really good. If I had been reading instead of listening, I think I could have skimmed my way through all the slow parts. You can't really do that when you've got an audiobook. However, the narrator (Frankie Corzo) did such a wonderful job I don't regret listening to it in the slightest.
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This is one of those books that has a ton of atmosphere, and to be very honest, I don't really do well with all the set up for that sort of thing. Something needs to happen rather quickly or I start to wander off mentally. And a lot of the plot here seemed to play on a loop until the very end.
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The place is old and moldy, the family is distant and weird, the old man is creepy, she has bad dreams, her cousin seems to be really losing it, the youngest son seems nice, her cousin's husband gives off odd vibes, she needs a cigarette. Wash, rinse, repeat. Now. Once you get towards the end-end? I really liked it and that last chunk of the book was very cool.
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The mystery of this horror story was actually good, and the way it all played out left me satisfied. What was happening in the house was not a completely new concept, but I felt like it was well done in this book. Very creepy, very gross, and it made me root for the characters to be able to get the hell out of that place before it was too late.
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Or was it already too late? I don't want to ruin anything about the eerie mystery surrounding this strange-ass family but I can say the stuff at the finish line was definitely my favorite part.
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Anyway. It's a good book, but I think if you're like me and tend to get bored easily, you should temper your expectations when you crack this one open. If you're a fan of lush descriptions and enjoy plots that meander around in circles, you'll absolutely love this one....more
The Immortal Hulk really is Incredible. 7 volumes in and Ewing is still cranking out an awesome horror title for the Marvel universe.
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Roxxon's feThe Immortal Hulk really is Incredible. 7 volumes in and Ewing is still cranking out an awesome horror title for the Marvel universe.
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Roxxon's fearless evil leader, Dario, has teamed up with this creepy creature named Xemnu, who has manipulated everyone's memories to make it seem as though he was part of their favorite childhood tv show AND the superhero who saved the world from Hulk. Even Hulk's team members seem unaware that their memories are false.
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Meanwhile, Banner, Hulk, & Whothefuckever else is in his head starts having some sort of a major breakdown. Like pretty much everyone else, I loved the issues drawn by Joe Bennett the most. His style is just (to me) kind of perfect for this comic.
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Well, Hulk is Hulk. And after a visit from one of the badass imaginary friends in his head, he slaps the fur off of Xemnu - but not before Xemnu manages to do some damage. That poor, stupid minotaur...
This might be the gold standard for hardboiled detective stories.
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I mean, Sam Spade. Everyone knows Sam Spade, right? I still prefer Nick and NoThis might be the gold standard for hardboiled detective stories.
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I mean, Sam Spade. Everyone knows Sam Spade, right? I still prefer Nick and Nora from The Thin Man, but as popular as those two are, I think Sam is probably considered the quintessential private dick.
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So, the gist is that hot shady chick comes slinking in one evening, begging Spade and his partner to help her locate her younger sister, who has taken up with a married man. LIES!
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You tell her, Spade...
Anyway. This lying client, originally known as Ruth Wonderly, who then claims to be someone else and eventually fesses up to being Brigid O'Shaughnessy, is incapable of telling the truth about anything. She's the worst. Just. the. worst. So of course, Sammy wants to bang her.
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Apparently, Sam is a ladies' man. I'm not sure how, though. He supposedly looks like Satan and treats all the women in his life like shit. <--maybe that was considered hot back in the day?
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At any rate, all the women are throwing themselves at him and all the men grudgingly respect him for his manly prowess. Spade is the total package. And he ain't playing the sap for no ditzy dame, gaddammit!
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Spade is a man with questions that need answers. Lots of questions. How hard is it to shake off a woman you're tired of sleeping with? Is it even wise to do that when you're under investigation for her husband's murder? How much do you owe a partner? Is your secretary really a good judge of character? What's that goofy looking kid doing spying on you? Who's the mousy guy waiting for you in your office with a deal? And finally, what's a Maltese Falcon, and who the hell is offing everyone in order to get to this weird bird?
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This was my 1st time reading Hammett's classic about Sam and his search for the Maltese Falcon, but I had already listened to Hollywood Theater of the Ear's theatrical production of the story. <--they do a fabulous job and I'd definitely suggest it for fans of the book. However, I'd also suggest that you read the book before listening to it. Because while it is an amazingly well-done adaptation, it is exactly that. An adaptation. The book is better. <--duh
Eh. The story is passable at best, but the art tipped my reading experience right off the cliff. It's just ugly and badly drawn on almost every page. Eh. The story is passable at best, but the art tipped my reading experience right off the cliff. It's just ugly and badly drawn on almost every page. Daphne is supposed to be school-aged, but in the panel below she apparently morphs into a 50 year old woman because she's angry?
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And the interior art was just made glaringly worse due to the beautifully creepy cover art. Honestly, it was the cover that sucked me in to start with. <--never judge a book by its cover!
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As far as the story goes, it ticked off almost every horror genre cliche out there. A bullied kid with supernatural powers, a being who tempts them to use those powers for evil, a stupid parent who is unaware of what's happening to their child, a charlatan-y (or are they?!) medium, a creepy molester who pretends to be a friend, Satanic cult rituals performed by naked acolytes to produce the Devil's baby, and (of course) the obligatory scene where a girl gets her period.
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It's not the worst thing I've ever read but it's nothing new. And it certainly wasn't helped by that sloppy artwork. If you're hard up for a horror comic OR you're a huge fan of Rosemary's Babyesque stories, then you might want to check this out....more
Uh. Ok, well this is one of those romances that is targeted toward a very specific reader. It's got some very consensually rapey scenes that a2.5 stars
Uh. Ok, well this is one of those romances that is targeted toward a very specific reader. It's got some very consensually rapey scenes that a lot of readers just aren't going to like. At all. What the hell am I talking about, right? Because we all know that there's no such thing as consensual rape. This is a fantasy setting wherein he thinks he's forcing her to have sex with him - not physically forcing her, but forcing her due to a bargain that will save her life and the life of her son. Sex for protection. Of course, because this is a romance...she's hot for him. Even though he's attempted to kill her a few times.
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Now. I will say that he does eventually come around and realize what he did was wrong.
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So, the gist is that this dude was born and raised in prison because his mother was incarcarated. She was killed there and he had to survive his childhood by doing whatever to whomever, losing his conscience along the way. <--your typical tortured hero thing She's a famous actress with a small son and a bounty on her head from an unknown nemesis. He's the best assassin money can buy and has been hired to take her out. But naturally, he can't do it because...reasons.
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The rest of the story is a very twisty tale mixed with a lot of angsty sex. I felt the ending was a bit drawn out, but other than that? It was interesting. However, depending on what kind of romance reader you are, your mileage is really going to vary with this one, and I feel like you should know what you're getting into beforehand....more
