I am All Colours Sam

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It seems as if everything and nothing is happening at the moment. I’m delighted to report that I’ve completed the script for Charcoal. It’s taken the best part of four years, from having a rough idea for a story to translating it into a film script, partly because I’ve found it incredibly difficult to get the hang of the format/layout, despite having a screenplay template, care of Microsoft Word. I’d never seen a script, so I had no idea what it should read like, so it was also incredibly helpful to see script excerpts from a couple of films I love (Hereditary being one of them) on social media. They allowed me to loosen up a little and I was able to focus on the last section of the script, which meant being even more reclusive than usual, but it got the job done. Life/illness/bereavements pushed me off course, as these things do to all of us, but I’ve wanted to write a film for many decades and having friends who believed I was capable of it made writing it much easier than it would otherwise have been. It’s still only a first draft, of course; characters need developing and more direction needs to be added. Every shot, every angle, is important. The story itself is about abusive relationships and slum housing, much of which is based on my own experiences, but it’s wrapped up in a contemporary dark fantasy with elements of the surreal and a possible spiritual angle. As is so often the case with my writing, reality is slightly skewed, a door left slightly ajar where the strangeness comes in, whether you want it to or not. Assuming each page of script equals one minute of film, Charcoal is currently 87 minutes long. I was aiming for around 90 minutes for the first draft, and I’m pleased to have got so close to that. It’s likely to be closer to two hours by the time it’s finished.

Keeping with writing, my latest short story, Toothpaste, is awaiting its third draft. It’s been good to work on a story with the aim of it being shorter than my usual length, although I don’t know if I can get it to less than 5000 words, which might make it more publishable. In which publication, I couldn’t say. I went through a lovely period where I was being asked for stories but that’s dried up and everything I’ve submitted in the last couple of years has been swiftly rejected. The ‘slush pile’ was (perhaps it still is) the term for submissions by unknown/new writers, something editors had to grit their teeth and wade through. I always found it demeaning. Although I don’t believe in writers getting an automatic acceptance because they’re more well known, I feel like I’m back there, starting from scratch with every story. A recent rejection of The Ladder Acrobat’s Ascendency To Heaven hit me rather hard, as I felt it was one of my best tales, although more in a surrealist vein than horror, which may not have helped its chances. I’ve been (gently) chided by other writers for more or less giving up on the notion of being published, but it’s such a different landscape to when I started out. Back in the early 1990s there were a fair number of indie publishers asking for either horror/sf/fantasy/slipstream fiction. It was wide open, whereas these days publications have very distinct/rigid themes, which makes it nigh on impossible to find a story that might fit. I have written stories to fit a theme a few times in the past, when it really resonated with me, but it would be too much of a compromise to generally work in this way. I write about what I want/need to write about. If that keeps me in obscurity I’ll have to live with it.

Brother Frank has hit a bit of a wall regarding moving forward. I have a load of more or less completed tracks and I’ve picked four of them to record in a studio. In my head I’m visualising a 10” e.p., of course, but that was always a bit unrealistic even if I had studio time. Of the two studios in town, the one I recorded the single at hasn’t responded to my attempts to book a recording session. For what reason, I can’t fathom. If the engineer doesn’t like my music, then what of it? In the dim and distant past I’ve worked with engineers (old hippies, usually) who are happy to get the best sound for their clients, even if it’s not their cup of tea musically. There is another studio here, which costs more than double the first studio. Having heard some of the stuff they’ve produced, I can see why; it’s top quality. They’d heard the demos of the tracks I wanted to record but it turned out they’ve no drumkit. Hiring one would add another 25% to the already high costs, and having to set it up  would just eat into my studio time. So I’m planning now to re-record the tracks myself at home and get the most out of my 4 track recorder. It’ll push me out of my comfort zone but that’s not a bad thing.

Men-an-Tol by Julie Travis

After a winter of endless rain, spring has been drying the land out and I’ve managed to improve my physical health enough to start doing longer walks. A new bus route stops at the little car park for Men-an-Tol, an ancient site with a holed stone located on the Penwith Moors that I hadn’t been to for several years. I made it to Men-an-Tol a couple of weeks ago and it was fantastic to see the place again. Next aim is to go further up on the moor to Nine Maidens stone circle. I’ve missed these places so much.

Theme from Psykos (2024)

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I’m happy to say that I’ve uploaded a new Brother Frank demo onto Bandcamp. It’s a piece that I’m particularly proud of. Theme from Psykos is the opening to an imaginary Scandi noir tv series. Psykos is Swedish for ‘psychosis’; the track being an acknowledgment of the terrifying psychotic episode I suffered in September 2024. It’s still not something I’m able to write/talk about, but after a lot of hard work my health (physical and mental) has most definitely improved, although part of that has involved living in almost complete solitude. I have plenty of new material to work on and I’m getting better at recording and mixing, having realised that I can’t rely on anyone to help in those areas; I’ve scrapped the collaboration I’d planned as the price for having some extra instrumentation and possibly vocals on a track or two would have been too high – the musician in question was trying to control things to the point of undermining my confidence. I don’t accept that kind of negativity in my life any more.

Trigger (warning)

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Des Lewis is a writer who’s quietly become a legend. He’s had 1200 or so short stories published (under the name D.F. Lewis) since the mid-80s (a great era for the horror genre), making the Year’s Best Horror Stories collection on five consecutive years. In recent times he’s focussed on reviewing fiction in real time. He’s very select in what he reviews and stories are dissected in a unique way, as he makes his way through a story or collection. Many writers consider it as an honour to have their work reviewed by him, including myself. I’m chuffed to say that a fair amount of my stories have received the Lewis treatment and I’ve been blown away by the results. The photo above shows Des looking back at his review of Trigger, which appeared in the mighty Vastarien (a journal of work inspired by Thomas Ligotti’s writing) in 2018. It was the only review published of that story that I know of, which I’ve assumed is because of the subject matter – a person self-harming before taking their own life, and I’m grateful to Des for doing so. It was a piece that needed to be written; some thirty years ago I went through a period of cutting myself, for reasons I won’t go into here and I’ve lived with mental illness for most, if not all, of my life. I took this part of my history and linked it to the suicide of a friend of a former partner, who killed herself pretty much in the way described in the story, although I wouldn’t presume to know her reasons or thoughts at that moment. I saw the dent in the concrete where she hit the ground and I went to her funeral. Now that’s pure horror. Vastarien was probably the only publication that would have even considered accepting the piece, and I appreciate them for doing so. Review aside, I did get a message from a US serviceman, who found the story ‘reassuring’. I thanked him for writing but I didn’t push him to explain exactly what he meant. I hope it was that it made him feel heard and less alone. Looking back I worry about whether I got that right. I hope he’s alive and well.

A transmission of unknown origin

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I’m delighted to report that Brother Frank is now on Bandcamp. The record is listed, of course, and available to stream or buy, but also available (for listening only) are two new tracks, I Don’t Know Why I’m Here and Feeding Frenzy. Both were recorded at home with a multitrack recorder and have a similar spacious sound to the single. I’m cheered by the fact that I’ve managed to learn some basic drumming, how to go about the whole recording process – the multitrack is an excellent device although inevitably has its own limitations (no reverb!!) – and how to create a Bandcamp site. The drumming especially has been physically exhausting, but I’m improving all the time.

On the writing front, I’ve begun going through the roughly half dozen ‘finished’ stories to see if they need tweaking before possible submission. Definitely ready to go is The Ladder Acrobat’s Ascendency To Heaven, which is, I think, one of the best stories I’ve ever written. As with many stories in the last several years, I’ve begun with a title and worked from there and with this story I wanted the kind of title a painting has. At just under 10,000 words, however, it’s much too long for most publications. We Only See Ourselves In Mirrors is making progress and who knows how long it will turn out to be? It appears to be set in Wiltshire – or possibly Carnac in France, another great prehistoric landscape, which I’ve sadly never visited. Charcoal (the screenplay) is still inching forwards, it’s an incredibly slow process due to the technical format, which I’m constantly referring to. I’m probably around two thirds of the way through the story. I shall be celebrating when the first draft’s complete.

Women and faggots will save the planet

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2025 continues to be a year of slow progress – which is amazing compared to last year’s horrorshow. My health’s improved somewhat but it’s a continual battle against fatigue, breathing difficulties and some unpleasant but inevitable signs of aging. I’m determined to get out on Cornwall’s coastal path this autumn to do some photography and have a short walk on something other than tarmac or concrete.

Creatively things are going extremely well. I’ve started working on the screenplay, Charcoal, again and I’m probably around two thirds through turning my rough story into the first draft of a script. As far as fiction goes, earlier this year I began a complete rewrite – 5000 words in – of a new story, We Only See Ourselves In Mirrors. It took a long time to ‘tune in’ to this one, but it’s now going nicely. I’ve also dusted off a pile of unsold/unfinished stories with the aim of getting them ready for submission. I worked on The Ladder Acrobat’s Ascendency To Heaven over the weekend and I believe it’s now complete, although at just under 10,000 words it’s too long for most publications. However, I believe it to be possibly the best story I’ve ever written so it might be good for it to see the light of day somewhere/sometime. The other story that’s also finished is Every Moment Is The Beginning Of Forever, a tale set in 1970s and 1980s Stoke Newington, which at nearly 10,500 words is no doubt way too long to submit anywhere! Of the others, And When It’s Twelve O’Clock is probably finished, Eleven Eleven and Yes, No, Goodbye (both around the 5000 word mark) need tweaking and Into An Expanding Sun needs a substantial rewrite. Finding suitable publications to submit to is proving more difficult than ever these days. Apart from my word count, anthologies appear to be extremely specific in their themes so I go through periods where I don’t even look for them. Add to that the fact that I’ve yet to be paid for the last story I had published then it seems almost pointless.

As for Brother Frank, I had the honour of walking into my local record shop the other day to find the owner showing the single to a couple of music fans on holiday from upcountry. They bought the record and had me sign it for them. It was a delightful and strange moment. I recently bought a digital multitrack recorder so am still learning to use it, but it seems like an extremely useful purchase and I’ve laid down the bass and guitar parts to a new track, I Don’t Know Why I’m Here. I’m still learning how to drum on my digital drumpads, but I’m much improved and will be recording the drum part next before adding a second guitar part. The quality of the recordings seem to be very high, although not using an acoustic drumkit will inevitably give the finished tracks a ‘lo-fi’ atmosphere. Should I release another record it’ll likely have the title given to this post. It was something a wise man, now departed, once assured me.

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The dreamer is still asleep

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Several months ago it came to my notice via a fellow Coil fan that the plaque in Jhonn Balance’s woodland memorial at Bassenthwaite Lake, Cumbria, had been removed. I’d not been up there for several years but I contacted the Woodland Trust, who manage the area, who confirmed the plaque was missing. I offered to pay to have it replaced; this, apparently, is not in their rules, as only the people who organised the original fund were eligible to replace it. However, since they (John Deek, if I recall correctly, initiated the fund and Ian Johnstone chose the location) had both passed away, the post – which was in a state of disrepair – and the plaque could be replaced if I donated a sizeable sum to the Trust. The amount (£500) was rather more than I had anticipated but fortunately I was in a position to be able to pay it and the post is now back in place (see photo above) with a replica of the original plaque (see photo below for one of my shots of it). This also means that should anything happen to the post over the next ten years, the Trust will repair/replace it. Obviously I find it appalling that someone calling themselves a Coil fan would be selfish enough to take the plaque, as it does not honour Balance’s memory, but realistically I was not surprised that it happened. The woodland – Church Plantation – is located a few miles north of Keswick, near the beautiful St Bega church. The hawthorn tree where Balance’s ashes were scattered is right next to the lake and easily seen and accessed from the church. Visit it if you get the chance!

How the bastards tried to grind us down

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2024 is behind us and I’m grateful to see the back of the worst year of my life. I spent most of it seriously ill with what was probably covid. At one point I knocked on a neighbour’s door for help. Her quick action saved me from the heart attack or stroke that was imminent. As it was, covid was just the beginning: it caused massive damage to me physically and brought on a horrific mental health crisis. I’m now beginning to recover, but have some health issues that are likely to be permanent. My original intention was to write in detail about this, but it’s too dismal to face again. What I will say is that I’ve been humbled by the amount of complete strangers who’ve helped or offered to help me when I was too weak to walk unaided. There are many good humans out there; worth remembering in these dark times.

At the end of October I managed to get myself to a local recording studio and, with the help of a hired drummer, recorded three Brother Frank tracks, two of which – Horsemeat Disco and Desolation – have just been pressed on 7” vinyl. Both tracks are instrumentals with a post-punk vibe. Records are very expensive to press these days, but the quality of the artwork and the vinyl itself is very high. DMS, the pressing plant I used, did a really good job, I think and I’m proud of the result. I’m selling copies at cost price – £5.50, plus £2.00 p&p. Postage rates outside of the UK are now outrageously high: £5.00 for the EU and £7.50 North America. PayPal at my email address: travisjulie (at) hotmail (dot) com.

Time & Propinquity

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I’m delighted to announce that Time and Propinquity has now been published by ghosTTruth. This anthology, two years in the making, includes my story, A Visit From Someone Dear, a somewhat experimental and surreal tale. My thanks to editors David Mathew and Mike Sauve. The book launch will take place tomorrow, Saturday 27 July, online, at 19.00 BST, where myself and other authors will be reading excerpts of their contributions.

The anthology is available from Amazon.

See the black sun rise

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The screenplay – Charcoal – continues to take shape. Given the general rule that one page of script equals one minute of film, I’m now 40 minutes in and less than halfway through my rough story. I feel on track despite my slow progress and continual referral to my format/technical notes. Back in the early 1990s, when I first began writing short stories, I didn’t think I’d make 3000 words without copious amounts of padding but it didn’t transpire that way and my stories became 8 – 10,000 words. Too long for most publications but that’s ok, some tales just take longer to tell. In the same way the script will be as long or short as it needs to be. I don’t want to be stifled by convention, even if it makes the script less likely to be made into a film, which would have a near-zero chance of doing so even if I was trying to write a commercial film. I’m not thinking that far ahead with any seriousness; to get a first complete draft script under my belt is what I’m aiming for.

I do have some exciting news on the music front. Andy Martin (The Apostles/Academy 23/Unit) is planning to commemorate the 20th anniversary of the death of Coil’s Jhonn Balance by recording 3 or 4 tracks to be released either as an addition to the next Unit album or as a standalone EP. And he wants my sister, Yvette Haynes, and myself to fully collaborate on it. One of the tracks will be a cover of Coil’s Solar Lodge, from the band’s early Industrial/gothic phase. It’s a daunting prospect – I want to honour Balance and Coil’s memory – so I’m out of my comfort zone again, but it’s worth the challenge/risk. Yvette and I began work on the track at our first rehearsal, last weekend, at a studio on the edge of Penzance. We also spent time working on material of our own, under the name Brother Frank (Clive Barker fans should recognise the reference). The rough recordings we made have an air of post punk and ‘positive punk’/gothic as opposed to Goth) scenes of late 1970s/early 1980s England. The stark, razor sharp sound of early Siouxsie & The Banshees, Adam & The Antz, Theatre of Hate, Joy Division and Southern Death Cult, along with Death In June and Crisis, plus Sonic Youth cBad Moon Rising, are highly influencing my song writing, musically at any rate; lyrically I’m focussing on my horror writing for guidance. This time round – some forty years after I stopped playing music – I’m far more sure of what I want to do and, most importantly, how to go about achieving it. I’m hoping this project is not overwhelmingly nostalgic – the early punk movement is being re-examined by many of those involved, either as musicians, writers or fans and, inevitably, the recent deaths of some of the prominent protagonists has perhaps made many of us realise how important – and necessary – punk was and still is. We live in intense and dark times, even darker than when I was a teenager; nationally, people have been beaten down by years of austerity, the deliberate cruelty of the Government and its determination to make life unbearable for so many. Add to this the current conflicts abroad and the environmental nightmare we’ve created and it feels as if catastrophe is hurtling towards us. Does creativity matter at a time like this? It won’t stop atrocities from happening but it can express hope, anger, compassion. And inspire communication – perhaps the only way to escape this desperate mess we’re in.

31 Days of Haunting

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Brugge Church BW

Samantha L recently interviewed me for her 31 Days of Haunting project, which can be found at Haunted Trails. Many thanks to her for letting me take part.