I sit here on the train, try to look for meaning in words, but I find none. I look around and I see that everybody tries their best to make it theirs. Some make it, some fail, some are too hopeless to even try. I'm still sitting here on the Lilydale train, endeavoring to get back on track.

It's so quiet yet it's so full of tension. Emotions. Frictions. My eyes stuck in a girl sitting in front of me. It's hot, but she wears a scarf. She carefully tucks her wispy hair, revealing her blood-shot eyes. She notices that I've been starring at her, but instead of snapping at me, she smiles. Her skin is so pale that I feel that if the sun from the skylight shifts, I'd be able to see right through her. For a moment she refocuses her bright blue eyes directly on my brown eyes and I see with perfect clarity that they are actually sad, even though she is smiling.

Then she turns her attention to the book on her lap again. Already I imagine if I have misread the sorrow. I wish I am, but apparently it's not merely an imagination. It is real. As the rain pours heavily outside, my mind fly back to a week earlier. To the day when I woke up just to find everything between us was over.

I wished Aria would say something. Anything. But he didn't. Instead, his eyes wore bored into mine, and then looked around, and then came back to me, as if by giving me time, I would slowly admit his decision to end everything between us.

To break up with me.

I wished I could, but the lump in my throat kept my mouth from saying a thing. In contrary, there was something inside my heart that grew bigger like balloons, ready to break.

I shouldn't feel this way. Instead, I should be relieved because from tomorrow I would be free from Aria's crazy mood swings, messy habits, and his selfish need to be able to contact or reach me anytime, anywhere. I knew for weeks that things weren't right, things did not work out between us. We tried to stay still when actually the feeling has gone away.

"Look, it's not you. It's me," Aria said. Apparently he could take this silence no more. "Ava, I mean... you know, maybe the feeling just went away."

I swallowed hard, looking at my blueberry pie, sitting there in front of me, untouched. I loathed blueberry, it was Aria who ordered it for me before I arrived here. I thought he purposely chose to break up with me at a coffee shop, in the safety of an audience.

Coward. Did he think that by taking me to a private place would give me an opportunity to throw a fit?

Two years of a relationship, six months through a long distance relationship, and he still didn't realize that someone like me will never burst into anger. That was not how I dealt with disappointment.

"Actually, it's neither of us..." I finally said.

He narrowed his eyes at me. "What is that you try to say?" he sighed. "You know, Ava, we are young... we can always find someone new. We..."

"Is that what you think?" I cut abruptly. Maybe this time along, I was the one who never knew him at best. he thought that relationship was something that you could always dispose. I stood up, prepared to leave. "If it's not me, then I hope there's someone else worthy for you."

Now, I'm glad that I don't wander around with blood-shot eyes like the girl in front of me. He's not worth my attention. Not even once. He does not know how to value my effort, especially when we were far from each other.

He's so gonna pay for everything he'd done to me. I check the gun inside my sling bag and smile, as the train stops in Glenferrie station. I walk carefully along the sidewalk towards his home. The one that I went over an hour after he broke up with me. I was trying to talk some sense to him. Little to me that I ended up never saying anything to him that night. No, he didn't deserve another chance, I thought, after seeing him with someone else through his kitchen's window.

He must be thinking that I will not figure out that he's been seeing someone else behind my back. Little that he knows that no one can keep secrets from me. And now, he's so gonna pay for it. This is what people get when they mess with me.

I click my gun into position as he opens the door. His eyes widened in pure shock. In contrary, I smile, hold my gun high, and sarcastically greet him. It'll be the last sentence he'll hear in his wrecked life.

"How do you say goodbye to someone you can't imagine living without?"